Favorite Comedy Quotes
Mini Me, if I ever lost you I don't know what I would do. [pauses] I'd probably move on and get another clone but there would be a 15 minute period there where I would just be inconsolable.Dr. Evil
(Allen finds his precious missing car has been recovered)
Cop: From bodily fluids and hair samples we determined that... a bunch of old homeless dudes had an orgy in there.
Allen Gamble: Oh God.
Cop: It's called a 'soup kitchen'. ...A mama raccoon came along and gave birth on the floor, placenta blew out all over the back window there.
I feel like I'm in 2 Fast 2 Furious.Aaron Green
Patrick: I thought you wanted out.
Cameron: Yeah, well, I did, but, uh... that was until she kissed me.
Cameron: In the car.
Ty Webb: Let me just clean this up here...
[lifts up bow and arrow]
Ty Webb: Getting ready for the season.
Lacey Underall: Duck?
Ty Webb: No... dolphin.
Judge Smails: Ty, what did you shoot today?
Ty Webb: Oh, Judge, I don't keep score.
Judge Smails: Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?
Ty Webb: By height.
Seth: Yeah, but it doesn't actually show dick going in which is a huge concern.
Evan: I didn't realize that.
Alan Garner: [while picking up a friend at the school where he works] Did you have to park this close?
Doug Billings: Yeah, why?
Alan Garner: I just... I can't be here.
Doug Billings: What do you mean?
Alan Garner: I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a church... or a Chuckeee Cheeze.
Are we gonna get it on now?Ricky Bobby
Cady: Regina, wow, you look really beautiful.
Regina: I'm wearing a spinal halo.
Why do you wear your hair like that? Your hair looks so sexy pushed back. Cady, will you please tell him his hair looks sexy pushed back?Regina George
I'm sorry that I blocked your cock...Officer Slater