"Due to our tight fiscal situation, we regret to inform you we are still going to have to close your station. Good luck in Sherbune, John. And give your men my best. Sincerely, Governor Fuckhead."

Captain O'Hagan

I have this cousin Marcus who saw one he said it blew his mind I want to make sure I never ever miss out on a Haley's comet.

Alan Garner

Lucy: [Reading a hidden message on a painting] "So lame the hair of Tom"
[Looks toward a painting a Tom Hanks with his long hair in "The Da Vinci Code"]
Lucy: Wait. "Lame." "Lame" is a-- "Lame" is a seven-letter word.

Willy: Children, do you wanna know what makes all my candy taste so special?
Edward: Uh-huh.
Willy: It's a special secret ingredient. It's real human parts. There's gonna be a little itty bitty piece of each and every one of you inside of the yummy yum candy, literally.

James Carter: Hey Lee! What are you doing?
Lee: ...Dancing
James Carter: Dancing! Man, im up here working, putting my life on the line, and you up here messing around, dancing with some Bimbo... Does she have a friend?

Kenny: What do you mean comin' up in my place and embarrassin' me in front of my wife, my child and my friends.
James Carter: You embarassin' yourself, man, you're a black man with a Chinese restaurant on Crenshaw.

Thorny: Where are your shoes?
Foster: What are you, the shoe police now?
Thorny: I am, and you owe me 20 laps around the bar.
Foster: Black magic only works on the rookie.
Thorny: That's brown magic.

You think you're going to create a T-shirt company? You can't even dress yourself!

Shaun

Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband's arm. Where would you like it sent?

Nurse #2

Gingerbread Man: All right. Do you know... the muffin man?
Lord Farquaad: The muffin man?
Gingerbread Man: The muffin man.
Lord Farquaad: Yes, I know the muffin man. Who lives on Drury Lane?
Gingerbread Man: She's married to the muffin man...
Lord Farquaad: The muffin man?
Gingerbread Man: The muffin man.
Lord Farquaad: She's married to the muffin man.

Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent - I don't care which one - but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator.

Brodie

Ever fired your gun in the air and yelled, 'Aaaaaaah?'

Danny Butterman

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