Favorite Comedy Quotes
I don't have to run away and live in the street. I can run away and I can go to the ocean, I can go to the country, I can go to the mountains. I could go to Israel, Africa, Afghanistan.Allison Reynolds
King: [Donkey sits at the table] No, no! Bad donkey! Bad, bad donkey!
Princess Fiona: It's okay, dad. He's with us. He helped rescue me from the tower.
Donkey: Yup, that's me, the noble steed. Hey waiter! How 'bout a bowl for the steed?
"Due to our tight fiscal situation, we regret to inform you we are still going to have to close your station. Good luck in Sherbune, John. And give your men my best. Sincerely, Governor Fuckhead."Captain O'Hagan
I have this cousin Marcus who saw one he said it blew his mind I want to make sure I never ever miss out on a Haley's comet.Alan Garner
Lucy: [Reading a hidden message on a painting] "So lame the hair of Tom"
[Looks toward a painting a Tom Hanks with his long hair in "The Da Vinci Code"]
Lucy: Wait. "Lame." "Lame" is a-- "Lame" is a seven-letter word.
Willy: Children, do you wanna know what makes all my candy taste so special?
Willy: It's a special secret ingredient. It's real human parts. There's gonna be a little itty bitty piece of each and every one of you inside of the yummy yum candy, literally.
James Carter: Hey Lee! What are you doing?
James Carter: Dancing! Man, im up here working, putting my life on the line, and you up here messing around, dancing with some Bimbo... Does she have a friend?
Kenny: What do you mean comin' up in my place and embarrassin' me in front of my wife, my child and my friends.
James Carter: You embarassin' yourself, man, you're a black man with a Chinese restaurant on Crenshaw.
I have a dream - that white people and black people... And Chinese people can gamble together with the same amount of chips.James Carter
Thorny: Where are your shoes?
Foster: What are you, the shoe police now?
Thorny: I am, and you owe me 20 laps around the bar.
Foster: Black magic only works on the rookie.
Thorny: That's brown magic.
You think you're going to create a T-shirt company? You can't even dress yourself!Shaun
Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband's arm. Where would you like it sent?Nurse #2