Favorite Comedy Quotes
I don't have to run away and live in the street. I can run away and I can go to the ocean, I can go to the country, I can go to the mountains. I could go to Israel, Africa, Afghanistan.Allison Reynolds
You think you're going to create a T-shirt company? You can't even dress yourself!Shaun
I have this cousin Marcus who saw one he said it blew his mind I want to make sure I never ever miss out on a Haley's comet.Alan Garner
First I get my name in the phone book and now I'm on your ass. You know, I'll bet more people see that than the phone book.Navin Johnson
Aldous Snow: We're gonna fuck these two girls.
Aaron Green: I just got out of a relationship.
Aldous Snow: Was your ex a blonde or brunette?
Aaron Green: Brunette.
Aldous Snow: Blonde it is.
Boy, the superintendent's gonna be pissed!Louis
People want me to do everything for them. What they don't realize is that they have the power. You want to see a miracle? Be the miracle.God
King: [Donkey sits at the table] No, no! Bad donkey! Bad, bad donkey!
Princess Fiona: It's okay, dad. He's with us. He helped rescue me from the tower.
Donkey: Yup, that's me, the noble steed. Hey waiter! How 'bout a bowl for the steed?
Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent - I don't care which one - but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator.Brodie
Jay: So why the long face, Horse? Banky on the rag?
Holden: I'm just, ahh... just havin' a little girl trouble.
Jay: Bitch pressin' charges? I get that a lot.
Greg, honey, is it supposed to be this soft?Babs
"Due to our tight fiscal situation, we regret to inform you we are still going to have to close your station. Good luck in Sherbune, John. And give your men my best. Sincerely, Governor Fuckhead."Captain O'Hagan