Favorite Comedy Quotes
How about that? It's a Mexican standoff. Only we ain't got no Mexicans.Marshal Nathan Van Cleef
Bender: You load up, you party?
Brian Johnson: Uhh, no, actually, we dress up.
[on parenting] It's like your Aunt Edna's ass. It goes on forever and it's just as frightening.Frank
Terry: All you ever talk about is becoming a pro hockey player, but there's a problem: you're not any good.
Happy Gilmore: I am good. You know what, you're a lousy kindergarten teacher. I've seen those finger-paintings you bring home and they SUCK.
You put the weed in the coconut, and light that shit up.Edmundo
Dale Doback: I manage a baseball team.
Nancy Huff: Oh, little league?
Dale Doback: Fantasy league.
Sophomore dies in kiln explosion? Oh My God! I just talked to her last week... She was going to make a pot for me.Eric 'Otter' Stratton
I'm going to suck your dick like I'm mad at it.Elizabeth Halsey
Stan: Hey, guys. Do you know where I can find the clitoris?
Kyle: The what?
Cartman: What, is that like finding Jesus or something?
Westley: I mean, if we only had a wheelbarrow, that would be something.
Inigo Montoya: Where we did we put that wheelbarrow the albino had?
Fezzik: Over the albino, I think.
Westley: Well, why didn't you list that among our assets in the first place?
Don't you point those dirty, green sausages at me!Fairy Godmother
Saul Silver: What's up with the suit?
Dale Denton: Oh, I'm a process server, so I have to wear a suit.
Saul Silver: Wow, you're a servant? Like a butler? A chauffeur?
Dale Denton: No, no. What? No, I'm not like..
Saul Silver: Shine shoes?
Dale Denton: I'm a "process server!"