Favorite Comedy Quotes
Inigo Montoya: [drunk] I - am - waiting - for - Vizzini...
Fezzik: You surely are a meanie.
Inigo Montoya: [smiles]
Inigo Montoya: It's you.
MacGruber: I just took an upper-decker in the master bathroom.
Vicki St. Elmo: Upper-decker?
MacGruber:Yeah, it's where you take a shit in the water tank and not the bowl... You look great.
Inigo Montoya: You know Fezzik, you finally did something right.
Fezzik: Don't worry, I won't let it go to my head.
I'd like to welcome you all to the Mitch Martin Freedom Festival. Now for those of you who don't know who Mitch Martin is, he's the very successful, very disease free gentleman standing by the mini bar. Now, courtesy of Speaker City, which is slashing prices on everything from beepers to DVD players, give a warm welcome Harrison welcome to my pal and your favorite, Snoop Dogg.Beanie
Mitch: Please be honest with me. Tell me this is the first time this has ever happened.
Heidi: Well, do you want me to be honest or do you want me to tell you this is the first time?
[the videotape of Shannon back-dooring Trica is playing on the big screen, with cheesy 70s porno music in background]
Shannon Hamilton: Yeah, who's your favourite New Kid. Yeah, call me Joey. Oh, come on. Don't make me get loose. Yeah, that's right. Call me Donnie. Oh, girl. Oh, please don't go girl.
Jay: Goddamn. This is one wacky game show.
Brodie: [to the cops] Hey! That girl's only 15!
[cops focus their attention on Shannon]
Shannon Hamilton: Ah, 15. I thought she was 36!
[cops are approaching him]
Shannon Hamilton: Come on, guys. Tell me you wouldn't have popped her.
You don't have to yell. It's not a train station. We're in a tiny car.Nick
SaulSilver: You still got that bong I got you when I was in Tel Aviv?
Red: Hell yeah, Bong Mitzvah! Hit it up, dude!
Yes, I think I'll have the mahi-mahi, but can I get it with just one mahi?Shelley
Alpa Chino: That's the theme song for the Jeffersons!
Kirk Lazarus: Just because it's a theme song doesn't make it any less true.
Mugatu is so hot right now he could take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple fish hooks on it and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.Maury Ballstein
Chip Douglas: Women are a labyrinth, my friend. Can I be frank? I don't think you listen to her. I think you tell her what she wants to hear. She wants you to thirst for knowledge about who she is, all the complicated splendor that is women. When your love is truly giving, it will come back to you ten fold.
Steven Kovacs: You're right. That's incredibly insightful.
Chip Douglas: I know. It was Jerry Springer's final thought on Friday's show.