Favorite Comedy Quotes
We've been going about this all wrong, this Mr. Stay Puft's okay, he's a sailor, he's in New York, we get this guy laid we won't have any trouble.Dr. Peter Venkman
Tito Puente's gonna be dead, and you're gonna say, "Oh, I've been listening to him for years, and I think he's fabulous."John Winger
I'd like to welcome you all to the Mitch Martin Freedom Festival. Now for those of you who don't know who Mitch Martin is, he's the very successful, very disease free gentleman standing by the mini bar. Now, courtesy of Speaker City, which is slashing prices on everything from beepers to DVD players, give a warm welcome Harrison welcome to my pal and your favorite, Snoop Dogg.Beanie
[to Evian] Go drink a bottle of yourself!Mary Katherine Gallagher
She's got her own life to deal with man, and that's in New York. Alright, and she's a sweet girl and I love her to pieces, but fuck her man you gotta get on with your life. You gotta let go of the past, and Mikey when you do, I'm telling ya, the future is beautiful, alright. Look out the window. It's sunny everyday here. It's like manifest destiny, don't tell me we didn't make it, we made it. We are here, and everything that has passed is prologue to this. All of the shit that didn't kill us is only... you know, all that shit. You're gonna get over it.Rob
So, Jake, you're out, you're free, you're rehabilitated. What's next? What's happenin'? What you gonna do? You got the money you owe us, motherfucker?Willie 'Too Big' Hall
Randy: Can I get you something?
Second Jive Dude: 'S'mofo butter layin' me to da' BONE! Jackin' me up... tight me!
Randy: I'm sorry, I don't understand.
First Jive Dude: Cutty say 'e can't HANG!
Jive Lady: Oh stewardess! I speak jive.
Randy: Oh, good.
Jive Lady: He said that he's in great pain and he wants to know if you can help him.
Randy: All right. Would you tell him to just relax and I'll be back as soon as I can with some medicine?
Jive Lady: [to the Second Jive Dude] Jus' hang loose, blood. She gonna catch ya up on da' rebound on da' med side.
Second Jive Dude: What it is, big mama? My mama no raise no dummies. I dug her rap!
Jive Lady: Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don' want no help, chump don't GET da' help!
First Jive Dude: Say 'e can't hang, say seven up!
Jive Lady: Jive ass dude don't got no brains anyhow! Shiiiiit.
Marcus Burnett: Hey man where-where-where's your cup holder?
Mike Lowrey: I don't have one.
Marcus Burnett: What the f- w'you mean you don't have one? Eighty thousand dollars for this car and you ain't got no damn cup holder?
Mike Lowrey: It's $105,000 and this happens to be one of the fastest production cars on the planet. Zero to sixty in four seconds, sweetie. It's a limited edition.
Marcus Burnett: You damn right it's limited. No cup holder, no back seat. Just a shiny dick with two chairs in it. I guess we the balls just draggin' the fuck along.
[to Wilbur] Mister, you are grounded... until you die.Franny
Semmi: But where in New York can one find a woman with grace, elegance, taste and culture? A woman suitable for a king.
Prince Akeem, Semmi: Queens!
Elwood: This is definitely Lower Wacker Drive! If my estimations are correct, we should be very close to the Honorable Richard J. Daley Plaza!
Jake: That's where they got that Picasso.
Yeah, you Americans, why don't you go back to strip malls und drink your Zimas and Smirnoff Ices!Otto