Favorite Comedy Quotes
Don't give me a diamond, just give me a big closet.Carrie Bradshaw
You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.Tod
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.Charlie
Nigel Tufnel: The sustain, listen to it.
Marty DiBergi: I don't hear anything.
Nigel Tufnel: Well you would though, if it were playing.
Tommy: Hmmm. He seems like a nice guy.
Richard Hayden: This is the guy trying to buy the company, not to mention put you out on the street, and all you can say is, "Hmmm, he seems like a nice guy!"
Kat Stratford: Tell me something true.
Patrick: Something true... I hate peas.
Kat Stratford: No, something real, something no one else knows.
Patrick: Okay, you're sweet, and sexy, and completely hot for me.
Man that ball got outta here in a hurry. I mean anything travels that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it, don't you think?Crash Davis
Cake Decorator: Hey, aren't you that kid from Crocodile Tears?
Sandy Lyle: That's right. I'm Sandy Lyle.
Cake Decorator: Man I saw that movie in high school. That bagpipes scene, that was the funniest shit.
Sandy Lyle: Yeah, we had a good time on that picture. You want an autograph?
Cake Decorator: No, thanks. It's good to see you man. I thought you died like fifteen years ago.
Sandy Lyle: No. I'm very much alive, my friend.
Harry: I have never lied to you, I have always told you some version of the truth.
Erica Barry: The truth doesn't have versions, okay?
Jan Wolfhouse: [after trying the beer] What's wrong?
Todd Wolfhouse: This means Great Gam Gam really was a whore.
Jan Wolfhouse: [thinks about it for a second, then runs off with his ears covererd] LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA...
Hey, you got anything better to read? I gotta go fire off a missile.Mauricio
You're so money and you don't even know it!Trent