Favorite Comedy Quotes
Princess Fiona: Shrek's hurt.
The Donkey: What? Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die!
Shrek: Donkey, I'm fine.
The Donkey: You can't die on me, Shrek! I'm too young for you to die! Keep your feet elevated! Turn your head and cough! Does anybody know the Heimlich?
Les Grossman: What you gotta do is pull down their pants and spank their ass, you spank it.
Studio Executive Rob Slolom: You spank that ass Les!
All right, you're going the right way for a smack bottom.Shrek
Maurice: Mr. McDowell?
Cleo McDowell: Yes?
Maurice: There's some people here to see you.
Cleo McDowell: They're not from McDonalds are they?
Cleo McDowell: I don't think so.
Don't give me a diamond, just give me a big closet.Carrie Bradshaw
Stifler's Mom: I got some scotch.
Finch: Single malt?
Stifler's Mom: Aged 18 years. The way I like it.
Chon Wang: You gave me bad directions!
Roy O'Bannon: No, I gave you wrong directions.
[Holds up Chon's chopsticks]
Roy O'Bannon: Want your toothpicks back?
Vincent Benedict: Through the lips, over the gums...
Julius Benedict: Look out stomach! Here it comes!
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.Steve McCroskey
[in a childlike voice] Oh, Lawrence! This is the happiest day of my life! I think my testicles are dropping!Freddy Benson
The Mayor of Who-ville: They called me a boob! Do I look like a boob to you?
Miss Yelp: You don't want me to answer that.
Josh: Look, I'm just curious. How many hours a day do you spend grooming yourself?
Cher: Some people are not lucky enough to be as naturally adorable as you are.
Josh: Stop it, you're making me blush.