Mya: I don't go out with guys who don't open the door for me.
Zeke: Really?
Mya: Really.
Zeke: Seriously?!
Mya: Yes. (as Zeke drives off, quickly and then, after a moment, drives back to the curb where she's standing) No he didn't...
Zeke: Gotcha...

Curtis: Do you guys know 'Minnie the Moocher'?
Murph: I once knew a hooker named Minnie Mazola!

Mrs. Murphy: We got two honkies out there, dressed like Hasidic diamond merchants.
Matt Murphy: Say what?
Mrs. Murphy: They look like they're from the CIA, or somethin'.
Matt Murphy: What they want to eat?
Mrs. Murphy: The tall one wants white toast, dry, with nothin' on it.
Matt Murphy: Elwood.
Mrs. Murphy: And the short one wants four whole fried chickens, and a Coke.
Matt Murphy: And Jake. Shit, the Blues Brothers.

This is glue. Strong stuff.

Elwood

Neighbor: Hey Roy, can you get sick from drinking piss?
Roy: I think you can.
Neighbor: Even if its your own?

Her name's Naomi. That's "I moan" backwards.

Van Wilder

Son, you're about as useful as a poopy-flavored lollipop.

Patches O'Houlihan

You're going down like a sweet muffin!

White Goodman

When the fantasy has ended/and all the children are go/ I feel that something inside me/comes to carry on/I ate some bugs/I ate some grass/I use my hands/To wipe my tears/To kiss your mouth/I break my vows/No, no, no, no, no, no way jose/And if you want to/we can break our vows together/

Nacho

I once saw him fart a plum... I was plum surprised.

Steve "Fink" Finklestein

We've never made great husbands, have we? Of course, I have a good excuse. I'm half gay.

Alistair Hennessey

Don't you point those dirty, green sausages at me!

Fairy Godmother

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