Favorite Comedy Quotes
Here's the Remains of the Day lunchbox. Kids don't like eating at school, but if they have a Remains of the Day lunchbox they're a lot happier.Corky St. Clair
Max Fischer: I like your nurse's uniform, guy.
Dr. Peter Flynn: These are O.R. scrubs.
Max Fischer: O, R they?
Tennis Announcer 1: That's 72 unforced errors for Richie Tenenbaum. He's playing the worst tennis of his life. What's he feeling right now?
Tennis Announcer 2: I don't know, Jim. There's obviously something wrong with him. He's taken off his shoes and one of his socks and... actually, I think he's crying.
Lester Bangs: You like Lou Reed?
William Miller: The early stuff. In his new stuff he's trying to be Bowie, but he should just be himself.
Vanessa Kensington: That's you in a nutshell.
Austin Powers: No, this is me in a nutshell: "Help! I'm in a nutshell! How did I get into this bloody great big nutshell? What kind of shell has a nut like this?"
Pinto: I won't go schizo, will I?
Jennings: It's a distinct possibility.
Nurse, as I love you and you love me, you will bind my breast and buy me a boy's wig.Viola de Lesseps
Dewey Finn: Give me a platform. Let's rock, let's rock, today. Now do it to me.
Lawrence: Let's rock, let's rock, today.
Dewey Finn: That's good. Slap it, shoot it, ka-boot it.
Cellmate: ...and when there was no meat... we ate fowl... and when there was no fowl, we ate crawdad... and when there was no crawdad to be found, we ate sand.
H.I.: You ate what?
Cellmate: We ate sand.
H.I.: You ate SAND?
Cellmate: That's right.
Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.H.I.
I'll tell you what I am - I'm the damn paterfamilias! You can't marry him!Ulysses Everett McGill
Tito Puente's gonna be dead, and you're gonna say, "Oh, I've been listening to him for years, and I think he's fabulous."John Winger