Favorite Comedy Quotes
Austin: Those are skin tight. How do you get into those pants baby?
Felicity Shagwell: You can start by buying me a drink.
You can take your thumb out of my ass any time now, Carmine.Marion Wormer
Good sir? I heard you were a poet. But a poet of no words?Viola De Lesseps
See if you can guess what I am now.... I'm a zit. Get it!?Bluto
My pa always said "Never trust a Hogwallop!"Pete
Delmar O'Donnell: We thought you was a toad!
Delmar O'Donnell: [leaning in, speaking slower] We thought you was a toad!
Ian Miller: My parents' names are Rodney and Harriet.
Toula Portokalos: [horrified, looking at wedding invites] Rodney and HARRY!
Nick Portokalos: We didn't notice, so maybe they won't.
[to the soldiers in his platoon] We're soldiers; but we're American soldiers. We've been kickin' ass for 200 years. We're 10 and 1.John Winger
As Mr. Sloan always says, there is no "I" in team, but there is an "I" in pie. And there's an "I" in meat pie. Anagram of meat is team... I don't know what he was talking about.Shaun
What do you mean he don't eat no meat? [the entire room stops, in shock] Oh, that's okay. I make lamb.Aunt Voula
[dumping out cold fries] I shall serve no fries before their time.Brad Hamilton
Louis Winthorpe III: Think big, think positive, never show any sign of weakness. Always go for the throat. Buy low, sell high. Fear? That's the other guy's problem. Nothing you have ever experienced will prepare you for the absolute carnage you are about to witness. Super Bowl, World Series - they don't know what pressure is. In this building, it's either kill or be killed. You make no friends in the pits and you take no prisoners. One minute you're up half a million in soybeans and the next, boom, your kids don't go to college and they've repossessed your Bentley. Are you with me?
Billy Ray Valentine: Yeah, we got to kill the motherfuckers - we got to kill 'em!