Favorite Comedy Quotes
I wouldn't mind being married to you... would you mind being married to me?Mr. Big
Everytime I see a bag of Hershey's Kisses my balls get so wet.Neil Patrick Harris
Can I just spray a little pam down there right before the baby comes out?Angie Ostrowiski
Jack: [In Elevator] Did you hear that?
Nick Naylor: [pause] No.
[to Evian] Go drink a bottle of yourself!Mary Katherine Gallagher
Mary Katherine Gallagher: Oh my God!
Jesus: Oh my Me! How are you?
Mary Katherine Gallagher: It's going OK. Are you the Lord?
Jesus: Well, to you I am. See, technically, you're, like, in this REM sleep state, and I'm a mixture of your mind's images of God, some past authority figures, uh, Skye, and your dad. Basically, your subconcsious came up with me to help you deal. Dig?
Mary Katherine Gallagher: Yeah... uh, you want a glass of water or something?
Jesus: No, I'm good. I'm God!
Mary Katherine Gallagher: Oh. Right.
These are my BREASTS. They're so BIG. I need a BRA to strap them and support because they're so HUGE they need to be hooked and strapped for support. My big boobs, this one is bigger than this one 'cause is the mommy and that's the baby. And this one is very nice to this one and they hold hands because they're FRIENDS!Mary Katherine Gallagher
Jack Wyatt: Let's make love in a hot-air balloon - let's make love in a candy factory - let's make love in a petting zoo...
Isabel Bigelow: I have to undo this...
Jack Wyatt: Let's make love at Sea World on the back of a killer whale!
Wake up, pretty girl, the joke is on you!Dawn Campbell
[in London] Hey, I'm walking here! You're driving on the wrong side of the road! Bunch of amateurs, these people don't get it!Roy
Wild Thing. You make my heart sing. You walk everything.Indians Fan
Bill: Hey Ted? Wanna play 20 questions?
Ted: Okay! I got one!
Bill: Is it a mineral?
Bill: Are you a tank?
Ted: Whoa! Yeah!