Favorite Comedy Quotes
[singing at an old folks home in Miami] Bubbe made a kishke, she made it big and fat, My Zaydeh took one look at it and said "I can't eat that!' ... Oh Bubbe, Bubbe, Bubbe, Oh Bubbe me oh myyyyyyyy...Dr. Pearl
Doug Madsen: Did he just say "cracker"?
Dudley Frank: "Cracker-ass."
Doug Madsen: Oh, perfect.
If there's an empty space, just fill it with a line, that's what I like to do. Even if it's from another show.Ron Albertson
Well, then, I just HATE you... and I hate your... ass... FACE!Corky St. Clair
They were still booing him when we came on stage.David St. Hubbins
My grandfather used to work for your grandfather. Of course the rates have gone up.Igor
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Igor, would you give me a hand with the bags?
Igor: [doing a Groucho Marx] Certainly, you take the blonde and I'll take the one in the turban.
Or don't vote for me... who cares? Don't vote at all!Tammy Metzler
Officer Olson: Hiya, Norm. How ya doin', Margie? How's the fricasse?
Marge Gunderson: Pretty darn good, ya want some?
Officer Olson: No, I gotta - hey, Norm, I thought you were goin' fishin' up at Mille Lacs?
Norm Gunderson: Yah, after lunch.
There's more to life than a little money, ya know. Don'tcha know that? And here ya are. And it's a beautiful day. Well. I just don't understand it.Marge Gunderson
Jim McAllister: Paul, what is your favorite fruit?
Paul Metzler: Pears.
Jim McAllister: Okay, now...
Paul Metzler: No wait! Apples.
Jim McAllister: Great, now say that everyday you had an apple. An apple, an apple and more apples. You probably thought that apples were pretty good, even if you got a rotten one every once in awhile. Then one day there was an orange. Now you can choose, do you want an apple or do you want an orange? That's democracy.
Paul Metzler: I also like bananas.
Jim McAllister: Exactly!
I feel like the floor of a taxi cab.Dr. Egon Spengler