Favorite Comedy Quotes
He's no goodfella, He's a BAD-fella!Barry B. Benson
Here's the Remains of the Day lunchbox. Kids don't like eating at school, but if they have a Remains of the Day lunchbox they're a lot happier.Corky St. Clair
If there's an empty space, just fill it with a line, that's what I like to do. Even if it's from another show.Ron Albertson
They were still booing him when we came on stage.David St. Hubbins
Or don't vote for me... who cares? Don't vote at all!Tammy Metzler
Jim McAllister: Paul, what is your favorite fruit?
Paul Metzler: Pears.
Jim McAllister: Okay, now...
Paul Metzler: No wait! Apples.
Jim McAllister: Great, now say that everyday you had an apple. An apple, an apple and more apples. You probably thought that apples were pretty good, even if you got a rotten one every once in awhile. Then one day there was an orange. Now you can choose, do you want an apple or do you want an orange? That's democracy.
Paul Metzler: I also like bananas.
Jim McAllister: Exactly!
Doug Madsen: Did he just say "cracker"?
Dudley Frank: "Cracker-ass."
Doug Madsen: Oh, perfect.
[Shep Proudfoot bursts in and knocks Carl out of bed while he was having sex with hooker] Shep, what the fuck ya doin'? I'm banging that girl!Carl Showalter
Carl Showalter: I'm not gonna debate you, Jerry.
Jerry Lundegaard: Okay.
Carl Showalter: I'm not gonna sit here and debate.
There's more to life than a little money, ya know. Don'tcha know that? And here ya are. And it's a beautiful day. Well. I just don't understand it.Marge Gunderson
Herman Blume: She's my Rushmore.
Max Fischer: I know. She was mine too.
[to Max] She's in love with a dead guy anyway.Herman Blume