Favorite Comedy Quotes
[talking to Deacon] I know you don't want to go to jail in Mexico because nobody wants to go to jail in Mexico. They put all kinds of burritos in your ass.Miles Logan
Missy: Oh my god, he just called Sissy 'Juggs'.
Chrissy: I'm on it.
[pulls out knife]
Jay: What's with the knife, we havin' cake or something?
Chrissy: Great, he's retarded to boot.
Jay: [to Silent Bob] Dude, she called you retarded.
[to Evian] Go drink a bottle of yourself!Mary Katherine Gallagher
I am angry. I mean I am spitting angry. I'm like a tornado of anger, swirling about.Phil Weston
In a world gone mad, we will not spank the monkey, but the monkey will spank us.Jay
Jack Wyatt: Let's make love in a hot-air balloon - let's make love in a candy factory - let's make love in a petting zoo...
Isabel Bigelow: I have to undo this...
Jack Wyatt: Let's make love at Sea World on the back of a killer whale!
She's gonna fight my battles for me.Roy
Chon Wang: See! I told you so!
Roy O'Bannon: No, you said "wet shirt don't break," not "piss shirt bend bar"!
When I was a young boy I used to look at pictures of naked ladies, hence my right hand is very strong. I touched myself more than a third base coach.Tom Dobbs
Mr. Bialystock, I'm afraid you've mistaken me for someone with a spine.Leo Bloom
Henry VII: Put them in the iron maiden.
Ted: Iron Maiden?
Bill, Ted: Excellent!
Henry VII: Execute them.
Bill, Ted: Bogus!
Emperor Zurg: We meet again Buzz Lightyear... for the last time.
Buzz Lightyear: Not today, Zurg.