Favorite Comedy Quotes
Emily: You like sugar, huh?
Buddy: Is there sugar in syrup?
Buddy: Then YES!
[Linda opens the door while he is jerking off] Jeez. Doesn't anyone fucking knock any more?Brad Hamilton
Nicole: Do you live alone, Inspector?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Yes, I do.
Nicole: Do you ever get lonely?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: No. Not since the Internet.
Raoul Duke: Well, they've nailed me goddamnit. I'm trapped in some stinking desert crossroads called Baker. I don't have much time man, the fuckers are closing in! They'll hunt me down like a fucking beast!
Dr. Gonzo: Whoa, getting a little paranoid?
Raoul Duke: [yelling] I need a fucking lawyer immediately!
Dr. Gonzo: What are you doing in Baker, didn't you get my telegram?
Raoul Duke: What telegram you worthless bastard? I'll cripple your ass for this.
Dr. Gonzo: You brainless scumbag, you're supposed in Vegas covering the National District Attorney's Conference, I rented a suite at the Flamingo. Now what are you doing out in the middle of the desert?
Louis: Looking good, Billy Ray!
Billy Ray: Feeling good, Louis!
[dumping out cold fries] I shall serve no fries before their time.Brad Hamilton
Ned: "Needle-nose Ned"? "Ned the Head"? C'mon, buddy. Case Western High. I did the whistling belly-button trick at the high school talent show? Bing. Ned Ryerson, got the shingles real bad senior year, almost didn't graduate? Bing, again. Ned Ryerson? I dated your sister Mary Pat a couple of times until you told me not to anymore? Well?
Phil: Ned Ryerson!
Jesus, bad waves of paranoia, madness, fear and loathing - intolerable vibrations in this place. Get out. The weasels were closing in. I could smell the ugly brutes. Flee.Raoul Duke
Phil: A gust of wind.
[a gust of wind blows]
Phil: A dog barks.
[a dog barks in the distance]
Phil: Cue the truck.
[an armored truck drives up]
Phil: Exit Herman; walk out into the bank.
[Herman gets out of armored truck and walks into the bank]
Well, that's the thing about life, is the surprises, the little things that sneak up on you and grab hold of you.George
Gimbel's Manager: Why are you smiling like that?
Buddy: I just like to smile, smiling's my favorite.
How about a Fresca?Judge Smails