Favorite Comedy Quotes
There's more to life than a little money, ya know. Don'tcha know that? And here ya are. And it's a beautiful day. Well. I just don't understand it.Marge Gunderson
I feel like the floor of a taxi cab.Dr. Egon Spengler
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to tag along is more than welcome.Steve Zissou
Eleanor Zissou: Oh, Shit. What do you want?
Steve Zissou: Do you mind if I buddy up a little before I answer that question?
Eleanor Zissou: Yes, I do. Tell me now.
Steve Zissou: [takes a deep breath] I need some money to get the boat out of hock and rescue my bond company stooge who got kidnapped. Could we ask your parents to loan it to me?
Eleanor Zissou: No.
Steve Zissou: Okay. Could I go ahead and buddy up anyway? It took me two and a half hours to get out here.
Tennis Announcer 1: That's 72 unforced errors for Richie Tenenbaum. He's playing the worst tennis of his life. What's he feeling right now?
Tennis Announcer 2: I don't know, Jim. There's obviously something wrong with him. He's taken off his shoes and one of his socks and... actually, I think he's crying.
Well, everyone knows Custer died at Little Bighorn. What this book presupposes is... maybe he didn't.Eli
You said we were going to go to Morocco. There is no Morocco. There's not even a Penny Lane. I don't even know your real name.William Miller
William Miller: Do you have to be depressed to write a sad song? Do you have to be in love to write a love song? Is a song better when it really happened to you? Like "Love Thing," where did you write that and who was it about?
Russell Hammond: When did you get so professional?
Oh, I don't know, Charlie. Unlike you, I never expected "the thunderbolt." I always just hoped that, that I'd meet some nice friendly girl, like the look of her, hope the look of me didn't make her physically sick, then pop the question and, um, settle down and be happy. It worked for my parents. Well, apart from the divorce and all that.Tom
Like sands of the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.Socrates [speaking Greek]
Mini-Me: [Mini-Me unzips his pants]
Nigel Powers: My lord! you're a tripod. What you been feedin' that thing, eh? It looks like a baby's arm holding an apple. Good thing is, if you ever get tired, you can use it as a kickstand!
We're talking dream dates compared to my horror. It started out fine, she's a very nice person, and we're sitting and we're talking at this Ethiopian restaurant that she wanted to go to. And I was making jokes, you know like, "Hey I didn't know that they had food in Ethiopia? This will be a quick meal. I'll order two empty plates and we can leave." Yeah, nothing from her not even a smile.Harry Burns