Favorite Comedy Quotes
This is not life, Will. It is a stolen season.Viola De Lesseps
Say, any of you boys smithies? Or, if not smithies per se, were you otherwise trained in the metallurgic arts before straitened circumstances forced you into a life of aimless wanderin'?Ulysses Everett McGill
Friend? Some of your foldin' money is come unstowed.Delmar O'Donnell
Glen: How many Polacks it take to screw up a lightbulb?
H.I.: I don't know, Glen. One?
Glen: Nope, it takes three! ... Wait a minute, I told it wrong. Here, I'm startin' over. How come it takes three Polacks to screw up a lightbulb?
H.I.: I don't know, Glen.
Glen: 'Cause they're so darn stupid!
Eight hundred leaf-tables and no chairs? You can't sell leaf-tables and no chairs. Chairs, you got a dinette set. No chairs, you got dick!Nathan Arizona Sr.
Cellmate: ...and when there was no meat... we ate fowl... and when there was no fowl, we ate crawdad... and when there was no crawdad to be found, we ate sand.
H.I.: You ate what?
Cellmate: We ate sand.
H.I.: You ate SAND?
Cellmate: That's right.
You want to find an outlaw, hire an outlaw. You want to find a Dunkin' Donuts, call a cop.Leonard Smalls
Heather Duke: Veronica, you look like hell.
Veronica Sawyer: Yeah? I just got back.
Veronica Sawyer: I just killed my best friend.
J.D.: And your worst enemy.
Veronica Sawyer: Same difference.
Grow up Heather, bulimia's so '87.Heather Chandler
People will look at the ashes of Westerburg and say, "Now there's a school that self-destructed, not because society didn't care, but because the school was society." Now that's deep.J.D.
Heather Duke: Veronica, can you come back here a minute?
Veronica Sawyer: A true friend's work is never done.
Heather Chandler: Gross.