Favorite Comedy Quotes
Nacho: Those eggs were a lie, Esqueleto. A LIE! They give me no eagle powers! The give me no nutrients!
Nacho: I don't want to get paid to lose. I wanna win!
[narrating] What happens to a man when he loses everything? Everything he's worked for... everything he believes in? Driven from his home... cast out of society... how can he survive? Where can he go? New York City! For centuries people have come to New York seeking refuge from their troubled lives. Now I am one of them.Jim McAllister
Richard Hayden: All right, now it's sale time, so remember, we don't take no.....
Tommy: No shit from anyone!
Richard Hayden: No.
Tommy: Um, we don't take no prisoners.
Richard Hayden: We don't take no for answer.
Tommy: Oh yeah... We don't take no for an answer! We don't take no for an answer...
Jenko to banditJenko
Good morning, Mr. M. Looks like you could use a CUPCAKE!Tracy Flick
Gale: Why ain't you breast-feeding? You appear to be capable.
Ed McDonnough: Mind your own bid'ness.
Evelle: Ma'am, you don't breast-feed him, he'll hate you for it later. That's why we wound up in prison.
Gale: Anyway, that's what Doc Schwartz tells us.
Prison Counsellor: Why do you say you feel "trapped" in a man's body?
"Trapped" Convict: Well, sometimes I get them menstrual cramps real hard.
Vincent Cadby: [Ace moans and howls upon entering a room sporting numerous stuffed animal heads] Something wrong, Mr. Ventura?
Ace: Of course not. This is a lovely room of death.
Bart: Sun even shines on a dog's ass some days.
Greenie: You gettin' a dog?
Justice: Hi, I'm Justice.
Jay: And I'm so fucking yours.
I'll Skype you later, or text you later. Or both at the same time!Todd
Jan Wolfhouse: [after trying the beer] What's wrong?
Todd Wolfhouse: This means Great Gam Gam really was a whore.
Jan Wolfhouse: [thinks about it for a second, then runs off with his ears covererd] LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA...