Favorite Comedy Quotes
Stoner Guy: Preston? I dunno, his hair's kinda, I dunno, brown?
Watermelon Guy: No, it's not really brown. Oh, he's tall.
Stoner Guy: Yeah, he's kinda kinda tall. Sorta tall. And he's like always wearing like t-shirts.
Amanda Becket: So, he's sort of tall?
Stoner Guy: Kind of.
Amanda Becket: With... hair?
Stoner Guy: Yeah.
Amanda Becket: And he wears t-shirts sometimes?
Stoner Guy: Yeah.
Will Smith: 'Ey, you Brickman?
Ollie: No. I'm just a guy who'd rather play in the dirt with his kid.
Lee: I like to let people talk who like to talk. It lets me find out how full of shit they are.
Carter: What the hell did you just say?
Chip Douglas: Wow, the old McNair place. Never thought they'd get the floors clean after what happened.
Steven Kovacs: Why? What happened?
Chip Douglas: They had a lot of cats.
Allison Reynolds: Your middle name is Ralph, as in puke, your birth date's March 12th, you're 5'9 and a half, you weigh 130 pounds and your social security number is 049380913.
Andrew Clark: Wow. Are you psychic?
Allison Reynolds: No.
Brian Johnson: Well, would you mind telling me how you know all this about me?
Allison Reynolds: I stole your wallet.
Austin: Those are skin tight. How do you get into those pants baby?
Felicity Shagwell: You can start by buying me a drink.
Hoover: We're in trouble. I just checked with the guys at the Jewish house and they said that every one of our answers on the Psych test was wrong.
Boon: Every one? Those assholes must have stolen the wrong fucking exam!
In the name of the father, the son and the holy goat. Eh...GHOST!Father Gerald
Derek Smalls: [on the phone] Isn't there a law against this sort of thing? Surely you can't just buy a full page ad in the music papers and publish your divorce demands.
Derek Smalls: What do you mean 'I paid for it'?
Derek Smalls: Joint account! Fuck! Can't we just have her killed? You know people.
David St. Hubbins: He died in a bizarre gardening accident...
Nigel Tufnel: Authorities said... best leave it... unsolved.
Max Reede: My teacher tells me beauty is on the inside.
Fletcher: That's just something ugly people say.
Neighbor: Hey Roy, can you get sick from drinking piss?
Roy: I think you can.
Neighbor: Even if its your own?