Favorite Comedy Quotes
Put some Windex.Gus Portokalos
I feel like the floor of a taxi cab.Dr. Egon Spengler
Good heavens. Are you still trying to win?Count Rugen
May your first child be a masculine child!Randal Graves
Driver: What's your problem, Schmuck!
Fletcher: I'm an inconsiderate prick!
Judge Smails: I demand satisfaction.
Al Czervik: Yeah, well I'll tell you what's satisfying: *cash*. I'll shoot you 18 holes for ten thousand bucks.
Judge Smails: I could beat you with one good arm.
Al Czervik: Well, how about teams, then. I'll take Ty here, and you can have Dr. Frankenputz.
Dr. Beeper: I beg your pardon.
Ty Webb: Judge, Al, I don't play golf... for money... against people.
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you, unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.Shrek
Katy: What about Naugahyde Windpipe?
Cecilia: Too metal.
Raji: Oedipus and the Mama's Boys.
Cecilia: Too college radio.
Deeje: My Johnson Is 12 Inches Long.
Cecilia: Interesting, but I don't think it's a band name.
I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your gender direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.French Soldier
Flight attendant: OH GOD! Ugh! I can't believe you fell for that crap! That's from 'Pretty In Pink!'
Janey: Are you sure?
Flight attendant: Trust me!
Jake: Excuse me, what are you doing?
Flight attendant: Let me give you a little piece of advice here, Jake. Why don't you lose the "I'm the cute and sensitive, popular boy with the big side-burns routine. It's just too pathetic! And for once tell Janey what's true in your heart. Stop being such a little bitch! And you Janey! Little miss other-side-of-the-tracks awkward rebel girl with the pseudo-intellectual glasses, why don't you wise-up to Jake's bullshit! Stop being such a dumbass!
Max Reede: My teacher tells me beauty is on the inside.
Fletcher: That's just something ugly people say.
Melissa: Ace, Where are you?
Ace Ventura: I'm in Psychoville and Finkle's the Mayor.