Favorite Comedy Quotes
Matthew: I know.
Matthew: I know.
Vicki Vallencourt: Well, Bobby Boucher, welcome to manhood. I'll make sure to welcome you properly later.
Bobby Boucher: Once again, I'm not quite sure what that means.
[to Wilbur] Mister, you are grounded... until you die.Franny
[to Andy] You sold your soul to the devil when you put on your first pair of Jimmy Choo's, I saw it.Emily
White Goodman: We should mate.
Kate Veatch: What?
White Goodman: Date! We should date some time. Socially. Go out and kick it.
[Kate retches, then forces it down]
White Goodman: Are you okay?
Kate Veatch: I'm fine. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
White Goodman: In some cultures, they only eat vomit. I never been there, but I read about it... *in a book*.
Kate Veatch: Are you reading the dictionary?
White Goodman: Oh, you caught me. I like to break a mental sweat too.
[to Alison] Are you the lady who doesn't realize she's pregnant until she's sitting on the toilet and the kid pops out?Debbie
Cotton McKnight: Average Joe's has a tough job, facing the Lumberjacks. These woodsmen probably haven't even smelled a woman in eight months.
Pepper Brooks: They must masturbate a lot, Cotton.
[trying to convince Shrek not to neuter him] Please, no, por favor, por favor, please no, I implore you. I was doing it for my family! My mother she's sick and my father he lives off the garbage. The king offered me much money and I have a little brother...Puss-in-Boots
[running ahead of giant gingerbread man] Run, run as fast as you can!Donkey
[to Alison] I'm sorry I'm sweating on you...Ben Stone
Ben Stone: Our baby is going to be French Canadian.
Alison Scott: And a little bit Spanish?
Ben Stone: Yeah, I'm not very good with impressions.