Favorite Comedy Quotes
Kumar: How were Katie Holmes' tits?
Goldstein: You know the Holocaust?
Goldstein: Picture the opposite of that!
Crush: Okay. Squirt here will now give you a rundown of proper exiting technique.
Squirt: Good afternoon. We're gonna have a great jump today. Okay, first crank a hard cutback as you hit the wall. There's a screaming bottom curve, so watch out. Remember: rip it, roll it, and punch it.
Marlin: It's like he's trying to speak to me, I know it. Look, you're really cute, but I can't understand what you're saying. Say the first thing again.
The Dude: I dropped off the money exactly as per... look, man, I've got certain information, all right? Certain things have come to light. And, you know, has it ever occurred to you, that, instead of, uh, you know, running around, uh, uh, blaming me, you know, given the nature of all this new shit, you know, I-I-I-I... this could be a-a-a-a lot more, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, complex, I mean, it's not just, it might not be just such a simple... uh, you know?
The Big Lebowski: What in God's holy name are you blathering about?
The Dude: I'll tell you what I'm blathering about... I've got information man! New shit has come to light! And shit... man, she kidnapped herself. Well sure, man. Look at it... a young trophy wife, in the parlance of our times, you know, and she, uh, uh, owes money all over town, including to known pornographers, and that's cool... that's, that's cool, I'm, I'm saying, she needs money, man. And of course they're going to say that they didn't get it, because... she wants more, man! She's got to feed the monkey, I mean uh... hasn't that ever occurred to you, man? Sir?
I'm not here to service you, I'm here to service these young boys.Gayle Sweeny
Your wedding will be huge... just like your ass at prom!Emma
Holy Jesus. What are these goddamn animals?Raoul Duke
Ferris Bueller: Look, it's real simple. Whatever mileage we put on, we'll take off.
Ferris Bueller: We'll drive home backwards.
I see Blue, He look's glorious.Frank
Hello, I'm Tom Hanks. The US Government has lost its credibility so it's borrowing some of mine.Tom Hanks
Arrested for what, baby? For being awesome?Lupus Grobowski
Reverend Frank: I'm gonna have to heal you. We have got to pray! We have got to pray! We have got to pray to make it through the day!
Ben Murphy: Was that M.C. Hammer?
Thank you for taking care of my bride, peasants.Prince Edward