Favorite Comedy Quotes
Even before I met you I had an instinct about you. Once I saw you were a woman with profound static cling I wanted to be that force around you.Johnny
Coach: What do you guys have that all other teams don't have?
Chazz: Twin dongs?
Martin: I think he's using the dice move a bit too much.
Jay: I think that's pretty much all he's got.
I've got a prostate the size of a honeydew and a head full of bad memories.Maury Ballstein
Grandma: Sir, can I trouble you for a warm glass of milk? It helps me go to sleep.
Nursing Home Orderly: You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut-the-hell-up. Now, you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep. You're in my world now, grandma.
I see Blue, He look's glorious.Frank
The car committed suicide.Saul
Phil Wenneck: You're not really wearing that are you?
Alan Garner: Wearing what?
Phil Wenneck: The man purse. You actually gonna wear that or are you just fuckin' with me?
Alan Garner: It's where I keep all my things. Get a lot of compliments on this. Plus it's not a purse, it's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.
Phil Wenneck: So does Joy Behar.
Bob: Wha - why is there tape on your nose?
Cotton's Parrot: Awk, don't eat me.
Will Turner: I'm not going to eat you.
ESPN Announcer: So Roy, where have you been for the last fifteen years?
Roy: Well, I uh, well, ya see, I uh... Drinking. Lot a drinking.
ESPN Announcer: I see. Well, are you still drinking?
Roy: No. I uh... I put... uh... Why, you buying?
Alotta Fagina: Some sake, Mr. Cunningham?
Austin Powers: Sake it to me baby!