Favorite Comedy Quotes
[to Alison] I'm sorry I'm sweating on you...
Ben Stone
Ben Stone: Our baby is going to be French Canadian.
Alison Scott: And a little bit Spanish?
Ben Stone: Yeah, I'm not very good with impressions.
Have you ever watched pornographic videos?
Jack Byrnes
Shrek and I drank this potion and now... we're sexy!
Donkey
Don't you point those dirty, green sausages at me!
Fairy Godmother
Jack Byrnes: If I set you up, do you think you can spike it, Focker?
Greg Focker: Well, I would have to get pretty high.
Jack Byrnes: I bet you would, Panama Red.
Jack Byrnes: What are you guys doing in here?
Larry: Looks like rounding second base.
Deborah Byrnes: No. We are not gonna postpone the rehearsal for some stupid cat.
Jack Byrnes: Stupid cat? How can you say that? That cat's been like a brother to you. And we're supposed to just let him wander the streets without food, water or toilet?
[looking around the house]
Jack Byrnes: Denny. DENNY?
Denny Byrnes: Right here, dad.
Jack Byrnes: Okay, you're subbing for the cat today.
Denny Byrnes: Oh no, I'm not wearing that stupid pillow thing on my head.
Jack Byrnes: Oh yes you damn well will!
[on the phone] Yeah, you gave me the wrong suitcase. Uh-huh. Yes, it's a black Samsonite. Uh-huh. Ok, well don't you think that the Samsonite people, in some crazy scheme in order to make a profit, MADE MORE THAN ONE BLACK SUITCASE?
Greg Focker
You tried to milk him, didn't you you sick son of a bitch?
Jack Byrnes
Pam Byrnes: What's the matter sweetie? Can't sleep?
Greg Focker: No, no. I was just going over my answers to the polygraph test your dad just gave me.
I want what any princess wants - to live happily ever after... with the *ogre* I married.
Princess Fiona
