Favorite Comedy Quotes
I'll show you how to chug a beer, mother fucker!Steve "Fink" Finklestein
When I was growing up, if we wanted a Jacuzzi, we had to fart in the tub.Billy Ray
Have you seen these toilets? They're GINORMOUS!Buddy
Mary: You've been to Nepal?
Pat Healy: Not in months, I don't know why I bought the damn place.
Dr. Evil: Scott, I want you to meet daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers
Scott Evil: What? Are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him?
Dr. Evil: I have an even better idea. I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.
Scott Evil: I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab!
Dr. Evil: Scott, that hurts daddy when you say that. Honestly.
Lt. Frank Drebin: I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just as I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face. And a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seemed to say...â€Hey! Look at these!" She was the kind of woman who made you want to drop to your knees and thank God you were a man! She reminded me of my mother, all right. No doubt about it.
Ed Hocken: Frank, snap out of it! You're looking at her like she was your mother for Christ's sake!
Lois Einhorn: What would you know about pressure.
Ace Ventura: Well, I have kissed a man.
Farva: MacAttack, wanna go punch for punch?
[Mac punches Farva in the stomach]
Farva: Oooh good one, I did not specify. Never shit a shitter.
[Ursula walks by]
Farva: Lady in blue comin' through.
Manhole. I like that word. Manhole.Shelley
If the younger generation doesn't get into opera, then, guess what? No more opera! An art form has died. If opera goes away, we're fucked!Mark
It's gonna be champagne wishes and caviar dreams from now on.Donkey