Why didn't somebody tell me my ass was so big?

President Skroob

You know what they say about women and trolley cars. There's plenty of 'em in the sea.

William

RHETORICAL QUESTION WOODCOCK!

John Farley

Trent: I'm gonna find me two waitresses here and I'm gonna pull me a Fredo.
Mike: Yeah, well, they're all skanks.
Trent: What are talking about? Look at all the beautiful babies here.
Mike: The beautiful babies don't work the midnight-to-six on a Wednesday. This is the skank shift.
Trent: Look at all the beautiful honeys here.

Jake: [faking accent to guy in restaurant] Hey. How much for the little girl? How much for the women?
Father: What?
Jake: Your women. I want to buy your women. The little girl, your daughters... sell them to me. Sell me your children.

Elwood: Oh no.
Jake: What the fuck was that?
Elwood: The motor. We've thrown a rod.
Jake: Is that serious?
Elwood: Yup.

Jake: The band... the band...
Reverend Cleophus James: DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?
Jake: THE BAND!
Reverend Cleophus James: DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?
Elwood: What light?
Reverend Cleophus James: HAVE YOU SEEN THE LIGHT?
Jake: YES! YES! JESUS H. TAP-DANCING CHRIST... I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!

Fletcher: Your honor, I object!
Judge: Why?
Fletcher: Because it's devastating to my case!
Judge: Overruled.
Fletcher: Good call!

God, I just wanna bang hot chicks!

Eli

I know Ms. Pac-Man is special. She's fun. She's cute. She swallows.

Van Wilder

I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.

Ed Rooney

Eli: Okay, you know what the three of us are? We're a tripod.
Matt: A tripod?
Eli: Yes, a tripod. Which means that if you knock out one of our legs... WE. ALL. FALL!

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