Favorite Comedy Quotes
Lois Einhorn: What would you know about pressure.
Ace Ventura: Well, I have kissed a man.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.Steve McCroskey
If the younger generation doesn't get into opera, then, guess what? No more opera! An art form has died. If opera goes away, we're fucked!Mark
It's gonna be champagne wishes and caviar dreams from now on.Donkey
Josh: Wow, you're fillin' out there.
Cher: Wow, your face is catching up with your mouth.
[attempting to say "Hello, how are you" in a Cockney accent] Ello, ow are ooo?Corky St. Clair
Manhole. I like that word. Manhole.Shelley
Oh, no no no no. Dead broad off the table.Shrek
Prince Akeem: Sir, did you happen to catch the professional football contest on television last night?
Cleo McDowell: No, I didn't.
Prince Akeem: Oh sir, the Giants of New York took on the Packers of Green Bay. And in the end, the Giants triumphed by kicking an oblong ball made of pigskin through a big "H". It was a most ripping victory.
Cleo McDowell: Son.
Prince Akeem: Yes?
Cleo McDowell: If you want to keep working here, stay off the drugs.
Prince Akeem: Yes
[Frank Drebin is angrily breaking up with Jane Spencer]
Frank: Oh, and one more thing: I faked every orgasm!
Jane: [heartbroken] Oh, Funny Face.
I'll tell you what I am - I'm the damn paterfamilias! You can't marry him!Ulysses Everett McGill
Otter: Let me give you a hint. She's got a couple of major league yabbos.
Otter: No. But you're getting warmer. Here's another: "Oh God, Oh God, OH GOD!"
Boon: Marlene! Don't tell me you're gonna pork Marlene Desmond!
Boon: You're gonna hump her brains out, aren't you?
Otter: Boon, I anticipate a deeply religious experience.