Favorite Comedy Quotes
Say "what the fuck" ... If you can't say it, you can't do it.Miles
Joel, you wanna know something? Every now and then say, "What the fuck." "What the fuck" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.Miles
Man in Black: You've made your decision then?
Vizzini: Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
College women can smell ignorance... like dog shit.Joel Goodson
Westley: All right. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right... and who is dead.
Vizzini: But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you... are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Joel Goodson: Don't steal anything. If I come back here and anything's missing, I'm going straight to the police. I mean it.
Lana: Go to school, Joel. Learn something.
Westley: You're amazing!
Inigo Montoya: I ought to be after 20 years.
Westley: Oh, there's something I ought to tell you.
Inigo Montoya: Tell me.
Westley: I'm not left-handed either.
Foster: We could be like Cagney and Lacy.
Ursula: Right. Except Cagney and Lacy were both women.
Foster: I could be Lacy.
What in the hell is going on up in here? Am I the only one listening to this? The man destroyin' a classic! BOO!James Carter
Count Rugen: Your princess is quite a winning creature. A trifle simple, perhaps. Her appeal is undeniable.
Prince Humperdinck: I know, the people are quite taken with her. It's odd, but when I hired Vizzini to have her murdered on our engagement day, I thought that was clever. But it's going to be so much more moving when I strangle her on our wedding night. Once Guilder is blamed, the nation will truly be outraged... they'll demand we go to war!
What was that? Did you just pick up another case? Did we just take another damn case on my vacation?James Carter
Lee: You owe me a copy of the Beach Boy's greatest hits.
James Carter: Don't you go having gettin' an attitude with me Lee. I been here three days and ain't done nothin' but work your cases. The only reason why I'm here in Hong Kong is 'cause you said you was gonna show me a good time. I'm on vacation, man! and I want some mu shu.
Lee: Mushu, you hungry?
James Carter: No, not mushu? MU shu. I want to see some women man. Now, stop playing dumb and take me to the SHU.