Favorite Comedy Quotes
Joel Goodson: You know, Bill, there's one thing I learned in all my years. Sometimes you just gotta say, "What the fuck. Make your move."
Rutherford: I beg your pardon?
Sometimes you just gotta say "what the heck."Joel's Father
Joel Goodson: So is this Guido guy... he's your manager?
Lana: That's right.
Joel Goodson: Or a pimp?
Lana: Now that's quick Joel. Have you always been this quick, or is this something new?
[in his dream] Please Joel, do what they say, just get off the babysitter.Joel's Mother
[to Joel] Are you ready for me... Ralph?Lana
Fezzik: We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.
Man in Black: You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?
Fezzik: [holds rock] I could kill you now.
Man in Black: Okay... but, I think the odds are slightly in your favor at hand fighting.
Fezzik: It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise.
Buttercup: And to think, all that time it was your cup that was poisoned.
Man in Black: They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder.
Farva: It doesn't matter cause I'm going to win 10 million dollars.
Thorny: What are you going to do with 10 million dollars, and you can't say buy the Cleveland Cavaliers.
Farva: I'd buy a 10 million dollar car.
Thorny: That's fine I'd still pull you over.
Farva: Bull Shit. You couldn't pull me over, and even if you did I'd activate my car's wings and I'd fly away.
[pulls off ticket from cup and cola spills all over him from the hole behind the ticket]
Farva: Stupid burger punk!
[at board meeting] I'd like to move us right to Peter Gibbons. We had a chance to meet this young man, and boy that's just a straight shooter with upper management written all over him.Bob Slydell
Say "what the fuck" ... If you can't say it, you can't do it.Miles
Joel, you wanna know something? Every now and then say, "What the fuck." "What the fuck" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.Miles
Man in Black: You've made your decision then?
Vizzini: Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.