Favorite Comedy Quotes
I know I don't have his looks. I know I don't have his money. I know I don't have his connections, his knowledge of fine wines. I know sometimes when I eat I get this clicking sound in my jaw...Wayne Campbell
Fate! There is such a thing as fate, but it only takes you so far. Then it's up to you to make it happen.Angel Stripper
We need kegs. Multiple, cold and domestic.Droz
Vanessa Kensington: Mr. Powers, I would never have sex with you, ever! If you were the last man on earth and I was the last woman on earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex, simply for procreation, I still would not have sex with you.
Austin Powers: What's your point, Vanessa?
Dude, this one looks like your mom.Jay
[Silent Bob nods]
[Frank Drebin is angrily breaking up with Jane Spencer]
Frank: Oh, and one more thing: I faked every orgasm!
Jane: [heartbroken] Oh, Funny Face.
Manhole. I like that word. Manhole.Shelley
Cher's saving herself for Luke Perry.Dionne
Kiss my frozen tushy! Kiss it, kiss it!RamÃ³n
Larry King: Hi, this is Larry King. The phone-in topic Today: "Ghosts and Ghostbusting." The controversy builds, more sightings are reported, some maintain that these professional paranormal eliminators in New York are the cause of it all.
First you take a run at La Fours with a sock full of quarters. I'd do it, but I pulled my back at humping your mom last night. Neetch. Okay, you clock him on his headpiece and knock his ass out cold. That's when phase two kicks in. I attack the structure Wolvie Berzerk style, and knock out the fuckin' pin and bickety bam, the motherfucker is rubble. Hence, no game show.Jay
Bender: You threatening me?
Richard Vernon: What are you gonna do about it? You think anyone's gonna believe you? You think anyone is gonna take your word over mine? I'm a man of respect around here. They love me around here. I'm a swell guy. You're a lying sack of shit and everybody knows it. Oh, you're a tough guy. Hey c'mon. Get on your feet pal. Let's find out how tough you are. I wanna know right now how tough you are.