Favorite Comedy Quotes
[to Bob Barker] The price is wrong, bitch.Happy Gilmore
Who the fuck are the Knutsens?The Dude
Total control now. Tooling along the main drag on a Saturday night in Vegas. Two good old boys in a fire-apple red convertible. Stoned. Ripped. Twisted. Good people.Raoul Duke
Walter Stratford: Where's your sister going?
Kat Stratford: She's meeting some bikers. Big ones. Full of sperm.
Walter Stratford: Funny.
You wanna talk some jive? I'll talk some jive. I'll talk some jive like you've never heard!Royal
Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?Dr. Evil
[to Big] I curse the day you were born!Charlotte York
Janis: What's that smell?
Cady: Oh, um... Regina gave me some parfume
Janis: You smell like a baby prostitute
Cady: Cady: Thanks!
Judge Smails: You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean, he's been club champion for three years running and I'm no slouch myself.
Ty Webb: Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're a tremendous slouch.
Dogfood?Charlie the Cook
No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight for every man out there who isn't getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And, by God, we're not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid!Kevin
Harry: What's her last name? I'll look it up.
Lloyd: You know, I don't really recall. Starts with an S! Let's see. Swim? Swammi? Slippy? Slappy? Swenson? Swanson?
Harry: Maybe it's on the briefcase.
Lloyd: Oh, yeah! It's right here.
[He reads the manufacturer's name, which is Samsonite]
Lloyd: Samsonite! I was way off! I knew it started with an S, though.