Quentin Hapsburg: We'll be at the reception. Make sure nothing happens to him while I'm gone. Then, I want the pleasure of killing you myself.
Lt. Frank Drebin: The pleasure is all mine.

Jane Spencer: I feel like such a fool. I should have never doubted you.
Lt. Frank Drebin: There, there. You had no way of knowing the man you were dating was a vicious, murdering sociopath.

Quentin Hapsburg: I don't recall your name on the guest list.
Lt. Frank Drebin: That's OK. I sometimes go by my maiden name.

Looks like the cows have come home to roost.

Lt. Frank Drebin

Princess Fiona: Shrek's hurt.
The Donkey: What? Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die!
Shrek: Donkey, I'm fine.
The Donkey: You can't die on me, Shrek! I'm too young for you to die! Keep your feet elevated! Turn your head and cough! Does anybody know the Heimlich?

Donkey: Wait a minute, I know what's going on. You're afraid of the dark.
Princess Fiona: Why... yes!
Donkey: Don't worry, princess. I used to be afraid of the dark until... No, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.

Lt. Frank Drebin: I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just as I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face. And a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seemed to say...”Hey! Look at these!" She was the kind of woman who made you want to drop to your knees and thank God you were a man! She reminded me of my mother, all right. No doubt about it.
Ed Hocken: Frank, snap out of it! You're looking at her like she was your mother for Christ's sake!

Dr. Mainheimer: You're thinking about him again, aren't you? What was his name? Frank?
Jane Spencer: Yes.
Dr. Mainheimer: You just can't forget him, can you?
Jane Spencer: Who?
Dr. Mainheimer: Frank!

Lt. Frank Drebin: I'm single! I love being single! I haven't had this much sex since I was a Boy Scout leader!
[Music stops playing. Everyone stops talking and stares at him]
Lt. Frank Drebin: [to everybody] I mean at the time I was dating a lot.

Princess Fiona: [turns into an ogre] I wanted to show you before.
Shrek: Well, er, that explains a lot.

Jane Spencer: Sam, would you play our song, just one more time?
Sam: Of course... DING DONG! The witch is dead! Which old witch? The wicked witch!

Lt. Frank Drebin: That's the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Captain Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed.

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