I've been very lonely in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech.

Dr. Lester

Spock, my top priority right now is to regain control of the ship. After that, you can debate Shakari until you're green in the face.


Nadia: [takes off her panties]
Jim: Holy shit.
Garage Band Member, Garage Band Member, Garage Band Member: [together] Holy shit!
Enthusiastic Guy: [enthusiastically] Holy shit!

[to Dr. Peter] I was punched in the face. What's your excuse?

Max Fischer

George: I used to think a wedding was a simple affair. Boy and girl meet, they fall in love, he buys a ring, she buys a dress, they say I do. I was wrong. That's getting married. A wedding is an entirely different proposition. I know. I've just been through one. Not my own, my daughter's. Annie Banks Mackenzie. That's her married name: Mackenzie. You fathers will understand. You have a little girl. An adorable little girl who looks up to you and adores you in a way you could never have imagined. I remember how her little hand used to fit inside mine. Then comes the day when she wants to get her ears pierced, and wants you to drop her off a block before the movie theater. From that moment on you're in a constant panic. You worry about her meeting the wrong kind of guy, the kind of guy who only wants one thing, and you know exactly what that one thing is, because it's the same thing you wanted when you were their age. Then, you stop worrying about her meeting the wrong guy, and you worry about her meeting the right guy. That's the greatest fear of all, because, then you lose her. It was just six months ago that that happened here. Just six months ago, that the storm broke.

I mean, I've heard that women do fake orgasms, but I've never seen it... It really, deeply upset me.

Aldous Snow

Write a bill, Britney.

Timothy McGinn

[Shooting hoops and continuously missing] I was, like, gettin' 'em all in before you showed up.

Captain Howard

Rufus T. Firefly: Awfully decent of you to drop in today. Do you realize our army is facing disastrous defeat? What do you intend to do about it?
Chicolini: I've done it already.
Rufus T. Firefly: You've done what?
Chicolini: I've changed to the other side.
Rufus T. Firefly: So you're on the other side, eh? Well, what are you doing over here?
Chicolini: Well, the food is better over here.

[On Brian falling in love with Anna...]
Rabbi Jake Schram: I mean, she's like your sister!
Father Brian Finn: Thank you for adding new depth to my confusion.

Big Black Guy: You beatin' 10 cops. How come I don't see no bruises on you?
Billy Ray Valentine: 'Cause I'm a karate man, see! And a karate man bruises on the inside! They don't show their weakness. But you don't know that because you're a big Barry White looking motherfucker!

Agent 99: I used to look like my mom.
Maxwell Smart: I used to look like two of my moms put together.

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