Yo, you guys are gonna miss this shit! The big guy's gonna cornhole that ass! With his weiner!


Whillenholly: Why are you shooting at me? I'm just a Federal Wildlife Marshall.
Chrissy: Two reasons. One: we're walking, talking, bad girl cliches.
Missy: And two: because you're a man.
Whillenholly: Only on the outside.

[while brushing teeth] Altogether, I've had five pints of beer and six bottles...no...six pints of beer and seven bottles, and you know what? I'm not even pissed.


Sir Alexander Dane: Could they be the miners?
Fred Kwan: Sure, they're like three years old.
Sir Alexander Dane: MINERS, not MINORS.
Fred Kwan: You lost me.

Carl Showalter: I'm not gonna debate you, Jerry.
Jerry Lundegaard: Okay.
Carl Showalter: I'm not gonna sit here and debate.

Jill: Are you going bald?
Jack: Huh?
Jill: No no no, you're getting fatter, and your hair doesn't realize it needs to cover more face.
Jack: Okay.

Curtis Spicoli: Dad says you have to get up
Jeff Spicoli: LEAVE ME ALONE!
Curtis Spicoli: Dad says you're gonna be late again you butthole!
Jeff Spicoli: LEAVE ME ALONE!
Curtis Spicoli: Dad says you're gonna be late again you booger!

Ritchie: That's it. You're fired.
Isabel Bigelow: Doesn't matter... I quit! Yeah, so you better call my agent.
Jim Fields: You don't have an agent.
Isabel Bigelow: Then call my cable man!

The dread pirate Steve be in no man's debt. I'll make a barter with ya; true as the north star. In exchange for your kindness, I'll be sharing me buried treasure with ya... once I find it, that be.

Steve the Pirate

Morgan Philip: You know they always say guys only have one thing on their mind.
Giselle: And what’s that?
Morgan Philip: I don't know. No one will tell me.

I'm just a regular guy who did a wicked fucking awesome thing.


Evan Baxter: [Looks into rear view mirror, sees God sitting there] Aaaaagh! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!
God: Let it out, son. It's the beginning of wisdom.

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