Favorite Comedy Quotes
[Ronny to Cousing Betty]
Ronny: Who are you?
Cousin Betty: I am cousin Betty.
Ronny: Are you first?
Cousin Betty: Second.
Oh Ron, there are literally thousands of other men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you.Veronica Corningstone
Lenny Feder: Higgy!
Marcus Higgins: Hey, what's up, Lenny? Buddy, I thought you were gonna start working out.
Lenny Feder: What does that mean?
Marcus Higgins: Um... you're fat.
Lenny Feder: No!
Harry: [after running into his ex-wife] She looked weird, didn't she? She looked really weird.
Sally: I don't know, I've never seen her before.
Harry: Trust me, she looked weird. Her legs looked heavy. Really, she must retaining water.
Harry: Believe me, the woman saved everything.
Stacy Hamilton: I want a relationship. I want romance.
Linda Barrett: In Ridgemont? We can't even get cable TV here, Stacy, and you want romance.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: What? What did you say?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You mean, you didn't just say: Stop the car, dear God, I beg of you, stop the car?
[lining up outside The Roxbury]
Doug Butabi: So... you want to dance?
Girl: We're not in the club yet.
Doug Butabi: Right.
Magda: What are you doing?
Magda's boyfriend: That's my girl he's kissing.
Magda: But you just slept with me.
Magda's boyfriend: I was only boning you to get to Mary.
Rabbi Jake Schram: You're in love with her?
Father Brian Finn: [to himself] No one seems to have picked up on this. It's very strange.
Gubmint do take a bite, don't she?Payroll Cashier
Ty Webb: You've got to win this hole.
Danny Noonan: I kinda thought winning wasn't important
Ty Webb: Me winning isn't. You do.
Danny Noonan: Great grammar.
Jack Byrnes: What are you guys doing in here?
Larry: Looks like rounding second base.