Favorite Comedy Quotes
James Carter: Couldn't help noticin' how she was staring at a brother.
Lee: She never even look at you.
James Carter: You just jealous, Lee, 'cause women like me. I'm tall, dark and hansome and you third world ugly.
Lee: I am not third world ugly, women think I'm cute. Like Snoopy.
James Carter: Lee, Snoopy is 6 inches taller than you.
James Carter: Lee, let me introduce you to Carter's new theory of criminal investigation: follow the rich white man.
Lee: Follow the rich white man?
James Carter: Behind every big crime there's a rich white man waiting for his cut.
[during a fight scene with a bunch of Chinese men]
James Carter: [after accidentally punching Lee] Sorry, man!
James Carter: All y'all look alike!
James Carter: Who died, Lee?
James Carter: Detective Yu?
Lee: Not Yu, you!
James Carter: Who?
James Carter: Who?
Lee: Do you understand the words that are a-coming out of my mouth?
James Carter: Don't nobody understand the words that are comin' out of your mouth
Lee: You are a civilian. In Hong Kong, *I* am Michael Jackson and *you* are Toto.
James Carter: You mean Tito! Toto is what we ate for dinner last night!
Lee: Carter! I can't hold any more! I'm slipping!
Carter: Hang on a minute, I'll go get help!
Lee: [shouts] Carter!
Carter: Ah, I was just playin' wit ya...
Inigo Montoya: I donna suppose you could speed things up?
Westley: If you're in such a hurry, you could lower a rope or a tree branch or find something useful to do.
Inigo Montoya: I could do that. I have some rope up here, but I do not think you would accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you.
Westley: That does put a damper on our relationship.
Inigo Montoya: But - I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top.
Westley: That's very comforting. But I'm afraid you'll just have to wait.
Lee: [handcuffs Lee to the steering wheel] Hey, what are you doing?
Carter: You ain't the only one with quick hands now, right? Wah!
Lee: Why would they not want my help?
Carter: Because they don't give a damn about you! They don't like you! I don't like you!
Lee: I don't care! I'm here for the girl!
Carter: The girl don't like you! Nobody likes you!
C'mon! You got everybody excited about something being blowed up, and look at your little punk British ass.Carter
Don't act like you don't know nothing, I'll take all your ass to the jail, right now if I don't get the answers. Ok. You think I am a fool, you are playin' me like a fool, Ok. Ok... Lee go outside it's gonna be a little dangerous in here.Carter
Carter: How would we even recognize Juntao, none of us never saw him.
Lee: I have, he killed my partner.