Favorite Comedy Quotes
Mr. Wolfe: I thought you'd left.
Curt Henderson: No, not yet. I have no matches.
Mr. Wolfe: That's all right.
[strikes a match and lights his cigarette]
Mr. Wolfe: Brother, how do I get stuck with dance supervision? Will you tell me that? You going back east? Boy, I remember the day I went off. Got drunk as hell the night before, just...
Curt Henderson: Blotto.
Mr. Wolfe: Blotto, exactly. Barfed on the train all the next day, too.
Curt Henderson: Cute, very cute. Where'd you go again?
Mr. Wolfe: Middlebury, Vermont.
Curt Henderson: Right.
Mr. Wolfe: Got a scholarship.
Curt Henderson: Only stayed a semester?
Mr. Wolfe: One semester. After all that, I came back here.
Curt Henderson: Why did you come back?
Mr. Wolfe: I decided I wasn't the competitive type.
Mr. Wolfe: I don't know, maybe I was scared.
Curt Henderson: Well, I uh - I think I may find that I'm not the competitive type myself.
Mr. Wolfe: What do you mean?
Curt Henderson: Well, I'm not really sure that I'm
Curt Henderson: going.
Mr. Wolfe: Hey now, don't be stupid. Experience life! Have some fun, Curt! Anyway, good luck.
Roy: There's this new thing they're starting out in California: moving pictures. There's no sound, so we won't have to worry about the language problem, and I think the kung fu stuff could be huge! People are dying for a good action flick.
Chon Wang: Chon Wang...
[sounds like "John Wayne"]
Chon Wang: ...movie star? It could work.
Look - you should be happy for me. You don't know what he says to me in private. Maybe it is love - as much as it can be...Penny Lane
Lisa: What the fuck is going on here, Vinny? You fucking up this case or what?
Vinny Gambini: I explained it to you already, didn't I? It's procedure. I'm bound to fuck up a little.
Lisa: A little? You've been thrown in jail twice.
Jack Byrnes: "My Mother", by Jack Byrnes. You gave me life, / You gave me milk, / You gave me courage. / Your name was Angela, / An angel from Heaven, / But you were also an angel of God, / And he needed you, too. / I selfishly tried to hold on to you, / While the cancer ate away at your organs, / Like an unstoppable rebel force, / And now we'll meet in Heaven, / And I shall see you / Nevermore, nevermore, nevermore.
Pam Byrnes: Dad, that's beautiful.
Greg Focker: That's amazing, so much love, and also so much information.
[after shooting at kid] Breaks my heart to see a boy that young goin' bad.Ray
Richie: Did you tell Margot about that letter I wrote to you?
Eli: Why? Did she mention it? Yes, I did. Why would she repeat that?
Richie: I would ask you the same question.
Walter Stratford: This morning, I delivered a set of twins to a fifteen-year-old girl, do you know what she said to me?
Bianca: "I'm a crack-whore who should have made my skeazy boyfriend wear a condom"?
Walter Stratford: Close, but no. She said, "I should have listened to my father".
Bianca: She did not.
Walter Stratford: Well, that's what should would have said if she wasn't so doped up!
Larry Johnson: Sorry about the...
Foster: All right meow. (1) Hand over your license and registration.
Ben: You can have a lucky day, sure, but you can't have a lucky career. It's a little like math. It's orderly. Win or lose, it's fair. It all adds up. It's, like, not as confusing or as ambiguous as, uh...
Lindsey Meeks: Life?
Ben: Yeah. It's... it's safe.
This was the moment I'd been dreading for the past six months. Well, actually for the past 22 years.George
Oseary Drakoulias: Who the blazes is that?
Ned Plimpton: It's me, Ned. Maybe this is nothing, maybe it's something. I don't know what your problems are, I don't know... but I just inherited $275,000. Would that amount make any difference?
Oseary Drakoulias: What sort of expression is the lad wearing on his face?