Favorite Comedy Quotes
Doc: So, what's new Eddie? Anything exciting?
Eddie Cantrow: Ah, yeah, we just got those new Nike Sasquatch drivers in the store, so that's been kind of cool.
Doc: Let me rephrase the question. You been crushin' any pussy?
I am gonna give you the best blow J. With my mouth.
Becca
Even before I met you I had an instinct about you. Once I saw you were a woman with profound static cling I wanted to be that force around you.
Johnny
Foster: How you feelin' there, Mac?
Mac: Good enough... to fuck... your mother.
Cotton's Parrot: Awk, don't eat me.
Will Turner: I'm not going to eat you.
I always knew I was never going to be a professional bull fighter, but that's not why I did it.
Jeremy Grey
So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.
Dark Helmet
Doug Butabi: Why go out for a burger when you got steak at home?
Steve: Yeah, we should go for lunch after this.
Let's go junior high on them.
Chuck Levine
Al Czervik: [tees off] Fore!
[ball hits Judge Smails in the crotch]
Al Czervik: I should have yelled, "Two!"
The central message of Buddhism is not "every man for himself."
Wanda
Evan Baxter: The White House reception committee greeted the Prime Ribroast Minister and... I do the cha-cha like a sissy girl. I lik-a do da cha-cha. I'm sorry we seem to be having some technical difficulties. In other news
[breaks wind]
Evan Baxter: Ohhhh. My apologies. Bulla blah, bulla blabity bulla bla
[rapid unitelligible gibberish]
Evan Baxter: Blabity blab bulla blah
[explosive gibberish]
Evan Baxter: [continues for 35 seconds]
[vaguely Chinese]
Evan Baxter: Kaa kaa poo poo. PEE PEE
[nervous laugh]
