Favorite Comedy Quotes
Pete: I'm gonna throw you in my DeLorean and gun it to 88.
Ben Stone: Vrrooooom!
It's that damn Hansel! He's so hot right now
Mugatu
You more shredded than a Julian salad, man.
Kirk Lazarus
Who the hell said take the cricket from my hand?
Master Wong
[to Columbus] You're thinking about fucking Wichita. Well congratualations because for the past twenty-four hours, she's been fucking both of us.
Tallahassee
Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later? How do you like to do it? Do you like to wash up first? You know, top and tails... whore's bath? Personally, before I'm on the job, I like to give my undercarriage a bit of a 'how's your father'!
Austin Powers
Al Czervik: [tees off] Fore!
[ball hits Judge Smails in the crotch]
Al Czervik: I should have yelled, "Two!"
Parking Attendant: You can't park your car here.
Raoul Duke: Why not? Is this not a reasonable place to park?
Parking Attendant: Reasonable? You're on a sidewalk! This is the sidewalk!
Let's go junior high on them.
Chuck Levine
Jedediah: Fire up the iron horse, boys.
Larry: Hey, blondie!
Jedediah: Names Jedadiah.
Larry: Jedadiah, stop the train, please!
Jedediah: No can do, crackerjack.
Larry: Whats going on here?
Jedediah: Somebodys got to pay.
Larry: Pay for what?
Jedediah: I don't know, just pay! Now stop whining and take it like a man!
Larry: Seriously, stop the train!
Jedediah: Alright, stop the train.
Larry: Thank you.
Jedediah: NOW FULL SPEED AHEAD AND RAM HIM! SPLIT HIS HEAD LIKE A WATERMELON!
Larry: [Train hits Larry] Ooh! Ow...
Jedediah: Oh, for crying out loud!
That's ludicrous - The great state of Vermont will not apologize for its cheese!
Senator Ortolan Finistirre
Billy Madison: [shouting] Where's my snack pack?
Juanita: You got a banana, you don't need no snack pack.
