Congratulations Taj, your first blow job!

Van Wilder

Don't be a fool and wrap your tool.

Van Wilder

Russel: It will be Terry's job to give the actors their hand cue.
Wayne Campbell: Excuse me, Russel, but I believe I requested the hand job...

Benjamin: Do you have a lawyer?
Wayne Campbell: Yes. Ahm, no. We're between lawyers right now. You see, our first lawyer screwed our affairs so bad.
Garth Algar: That's right. I walked right to that office - that's what I did - and I reached across that desk and I grabbed him by his big fat head and I said "Listen, man. I'm not going to jail for *you* or for anybody."

Frank: A little housewarming gift.
Mitch: I actually gave this to you for your wedding.
Frank: This model?
Mitch: That exact one.

Allison Reynolds: When you grow up, your heart dies.
Bender: Who cares?
Allison Reynolds: I care.

John Bender: What's that?
Claire Standish: Sushi.
John Bender: Sushi?
Claire Standish: Rice, raw fish, and seaweed.
John Bender: You won't accept a guy's tongue in your mouth, and you're going to eat that?
Claire Standish: Can I eat?
John Bender: I don't know. Give it a try.

We were driving for six or seven hours... and we thought he was napping...

Richard

if you're always thinking about the future, then you kinda forget about the present.

Van Wilder

Van Wilder: Blue - it brings out your eyes. The kid has killer eyes, not unlike yourself - anyone ever tell you that?
Gwen: Yes, my boyfriend.
Van Wilder: Your boyfriend? What's his name?
Gwen: I don't think that's any of your business.
Van Wilder: [Puts on sunglasses and turns away] You're right

I think you will find me a slasher... of prices!

Simon Skinner

Brian Johnson: Why don't you just answer the question?
Andrew Clark: Be honest.
John Bender: No big deal.
Brian Johnson: Yeah answer it.
Andrew Clark: Answer the question, Claire.
John Bender: Talk to us. Every one: C'mon, answer the question. Come on. Answer it.
John Bender: C'mon, it's easy. It's only one question.
Claire Standish: NO, I NEVER DID IT!
Allison Reynolds: I never did it either. I'm not a nymphomaniac. I'm a compulsive liar.

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