Favorite Comedy Quotes
I'll have you know that I have the reflexes of a cat and the speed of a mongoose. Throw it. I DARE YOU!Ace
Droz: Hi, is Sam in there?
Womynist #1: "In there" ... What the hell's that supposed to mean?
Womynist #2: Yeah, cock-man-oppressor!
Droz: Why, thank you. Could you just tell her that Mr. Pokey stopped by.
Friends, rodents, quadrupeds, lend me your rears!Ace
Frank: It's true what they say: Cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside.
[about Snow White] Although she lives with seven other men, she's actually not easy.Magic Mirror
Droz: Frog And Toad Are Friends, that's with the guy from The Clash, right?
Gutter: [confused] The...
Droz: The Clash. I don't know if you're aware of this, Gutter, but there actually was music recorded before 1989.
Lord Farquaad: Evening. Mirror, mirror, on the wall / Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?
Magic Mirror: Well, technically, you're not a king.
Lord Farquaad: Thelonius?
Magic Mirror: [nervous] Er, I mean you're not a king yet.
The urine stain on your pants signifies that you are a single-shake man, far too busy for the follow-up jiggle.Ace
Brodie: You know about this game show they got goin' on here? We need you guys to somehow ensure that it doesn't happen.
Jay: Is that it? We were gonna do that anyway.
Brodie: Really? Why?
Jay: What else are we gonna do?
Meeting with sinister types much? A not too much, a much too much.Ace
T.S. Quint: [to Jay and Silent Bob] You two up for getting stoned?
Jay: Look who you're asking!
Randy Daytona: You got me swatting flies now?
Master Wong: Not hit flies. You hit bees!