Favorite Comedy Quotes
Judge Smails: You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean, he's been club champion for three years running and I'm no slouch myself.
Ty Webb: Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're a tremendous slouch.
Can you two stop (expletive) with the Korean Jesus!Captain Dickson
Mr. McPhee: Oh, haha - look at me, the comedy night guard. Do you want to get into a battle of humor? Do you?
Larry: Um, no. No I don't want to get into a battle of humor.
Mr. McPhee: That's right, because it would be a bloodbath. Nothing funny about Little Big Horn, is there?
Dionne: Hello? There was a stop sign.
Cher: I totally paused.
[to Bob Barker] The price is wrong, bitch.Happy Gilmore
The central message of Buddhism is not "every man for himself."Wanda
Deputy Chief Harvey: Do you even know the Miranda rights?
Jenko: It obviously starts with... you have the right to... remain an attorney...
Deputy Chief Harvey: Did you just say you have the right to be an attorney?
Schmidt: Well, you do have the right to be an attorney if you want to...
Olive: I'd like to dedicate this to my grandpa, who showed me these moves.
Pageant MC: Aww, that is so sweet.
Pageant MC: Is he here? Where's your grandpa right now?
Olive: In the trunk of our car.
Topper Harley: Colonel, who are they?
Col. Denton Walters: She's CIA. The other man's an extra.
Maude Lebowski: Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: Uh, is that what this is a picture of?
Maude Lebowski: In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.
The Dude: Oh yeah?
Maude Lebowski: Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
The Dude: Johnson?
Mother of God.Thorny
He sets the standard for "Not to be fucked with."Columbus