Hey look. I read the damn article all right. But don't tell anyone because if word gets out that I read my reputation shot to hell.

Van Wilder

Dinner for two. Clothing optional.

Van Wilder

Brandi: Suitor Number Three, what would our first date be like?
Gil Hicks: Well, uh, first I'd take you shopping to stores you wanna shop in, and then we'd do a little lunch, probably at the Cheese Haus, followed by some golfing. And then at night, we'd take in an opera, probably Die Fledermaus, and then I'd follow it up with a drive to a secluded beach where I'd pop on the radio and we could slow-dance till the sun came up.
Brodie: That was the biggest load of crap I've ever heard. I mean, look at you. You're the kind of guy who would beg for sex. And I should know, we can smell our own.

Jerry, enjoy my wife.

Fletcher

Fletcher: I was hoping after being married to me you'd have no more strength left.
Audrey: Well, you have to remember that when we were married, I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you were.

Gretta: And your ex-wife called, she wants to know when you're coming to pick up your son.
Fletcher: Oh, I'm such a shit!

All this time I thought I was more to you than a flaccid story.

Van Wilder

You have shown me a live I could only dream about back home by masturbating in my father's woodshed.

Taj

It is only out of sheer morbid curiosity that I am allowing this freak show to continue.

Judge Stevens

Because you insist on talking about Dad's bowel movements; size, color, frequency, I"LL CALL YA LATER!

Fletcher

Is that all you people think about? Now, I admit I applied for this job because I wanted to cut loose and shake my romp, but I belive that this dilema cannot be solved by partying.

Taj

Is that all you people think about? Getting fucked up?

Taj

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