Hooper: I need to sell the image to sell the book. I mean, would the audience still buy the whole black rage angle if they found out the book was written by a... you know...
Banky Edwards: Faggot?
Hooper: When you say it, it sounds so sexy.

Dom Portwood: So um, Milton has been let go?
Bob Slydell: Well just a second there, professor. We uh, we fixed the *glitch*. So he won't be receiving a paycheck anymore, so it will just work itself out naturally.
Bob Porter: We always like to avoid confrontation, whenever possible. Problem solved from your end.

[to bartender] You're going to be embarrassed when you realize I'm Wilmer Valderrama.

Ben Stone

Peter Highman: If I miss the birth of my own child, I'm gonna choke you out with your own scarf. Wrap that thing 'round your head, and choke you out.
Ethan Tremblay: Sounds a bit... drastic.

Teddy Sanders: You make the store more approachable.
Mac Radner: Like, I'm more of an attainable goal?
Teddy Sanders: Yeah, you're like Relaxed Fit.

Chon Wang: What do you see?
Roy: He just pulled a fancy dragon key out of his desk.
Chon Wang: That was my father's! I must avenge his honor.
Roy: Slow down, Tiger. Slow down. Quit going all Chinese on me.

Bantam: America's greatest president.
Rand: It's me, Rand. Open up.
Bantam: America's greatest president.
Rand: Damn it. "Who is Ronald Reagan?"
Bantam: A casual shoe for yachting.
Rand: What are you trying to figure out, B.D.? Who could I be? "What is a blucher?"
Bantam: They killed Jesus Christ.
Rand: "Who are the Jews?" Open up, sucko.

Oh, no no no no. Dead broad off the table.


Because if I tell you [my name], you tell your friends... your friends are calling me on the horn all the time, And I gotta show up at shopping centers for openings and sign autographs and shit like that and it makes my life a hell. Okay? A living hell.


Ron Albertson: I'd wish they'd at least give us a line. I made some suggestions...
Sheila: We should be line-DANCING.

DEA Agent Parker: Do. You. Speak American?
Armando Alvarez: No sir. I don't speak American.

Aaron: Let me get this straight: our dad was "bromantically" involved with a guy that could fit in his pocket, and you're mad because he's white?

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