Favorite Comedy Quotes
Silent Bob here's an electrical genius. He won the science fair in eighth grade by turning his mom's vibrator into a CD player using some chicken wire and shit.The mother fucker's like MacGyver. No, the mother fucker's *better than* MacGyver.Jay
Bruce: There were so many. I just gave them all what they want.
God: Yeah. But since when does anyone have a clue about what they want?
Donkey: Whoa. Look at that. Who'd wanna live in a place like that?
Shrek: That would be my home.
Donkey: Oh and it is LOVELY. You know, you're really quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a NICE boulder.
T.S. Quint: You should see yourself right now - a grown man with his hand down his pants.
Brodie: Yeah, I probably look like my old man.
You know, I think you ought to get him some help. He seems to be really hung up on super heroes' sex organs.Stan Lee
Shrek: Well it's no wonder you don't have any friends.
The Donkey: Wow, only a true friend would be that truely honest.
Melissa: Hi, I'm Melissa Robinson.
Ace Ventura: Pleasure to meet you.
Melissa: Did you have any trouble getting in?
Ace Ventura: No, the guy with the rubber glove was surprisingly gentle.
Grace: Oh, God.
Bruce: You can call me Bruce.
Gwen: Is it true this is your seventh year at Coolidge?
Van Wilder: Carry the two, yes that's correct.
Bruce: Lord, feed the hungry, and bring peace to all of mankind. How's that?
God: Great... If you wanna be Miss America.
Van Wilder: I'm all out of love. I'm so lost without you. I know you were right. Believing for so long.
Sally: Dope song. What's it called?
Van Wilder: Gwen Used Me For Her Story, Then Married an Ass Wipe... and Ran Over My Heart With a Big Metaphorical Truck. Originally performed by Air Supply.
Brodie: Look, if I had any kind of glow it's because I just got laid. I would look the same had I banged anyone in that elevator... present company excluded.
T.S. Quint: Deny it all you want. I think that you're too proud to admit that you want her back.
Brodie: I suddenly want something very bad to happen to you.
[TS elbows Gwen in the chest, she hits him in the groin]
Brodie: See, that's what you get for fucking with me.