Favorite Comedy Quotes
Gwen: Is it true this is your seventh year at Coolidge?
Van Wilder: Carry the two, yes that's correct.
Van Wilder: I'm all out of love. I'm so lost without you. I know you were right. Believing for so long.
Sally: Dope song. What's it called?
Van Wilder: Gwen Used Me For Her Story, Then Married an Ass Wipe... and Ran Over My Heart With a Big Metaphorical Truck. Originally performed by Air Supply.
Brodie: Look, if I had any kind of glow it's because I just got laid. I would look the same had I banged anyone in that elevator... present company excluded.
T.S. Quint: Deny it all you want. I think that you're too proud to admit that you want her back.
Brodie: I suddenly want something very bad to happen to you.
[TS elbows Gwen in the chest, she hits him in the groin]
Brodie: See, that's what you get for fucking with me.
God: Bruce, you have a divine spark. You have a gift for bringing joy and laughter to the world. I know, I created you.
Bruce: Quit bragging.
Van Wilder: What's that intoxicating scent you're wearing Doris?
Ms. Doris Haver: I have cats.
Van Wilder: Meow!
We'll be accepting donations in the form of cash, visa, and full frontal nudity.Van Wilder
Brodie: T.S. Quint, meet Tricia Jones. They call her Trish "the dish".
Tricia Jones: Nobody calls me that.
I know I don't have his looks. I know I don't have his money. I know I don't have his connections, his knowledge of fine wines. I know sometimes when I eat I get this clicking sound in my jaw...Wayne Campbell
If Milty Mingleton can shove himself into that weenie bikini, then you don't need to be shy about making your donations to the swim team.Van Wilder
Taj: Doesn't she have a boyfriend?
Van Wilder: Details. Only details.
T.S. Quint: How easily do you quit? Say you wind up with one of us?
Brodie: Hopefully not Rush Limbaugh over here.
Gil Hicks: Well, now, I'm not like Rush Limbaugh.
Brodie: Well, why not? Because he's fat? Now you have something against fat people, too?
Hey look. I read the damn article all right. But don't tell anyone because if word gets out that I read my reputation shot to hell.Van Wilder