Favorite Comedy Quotes
Bert Fischer: You're like one of those clipper ship captains. You're married to the sea.
Max Fischer: Yes, that's true.
You know what else can kill you? Doctors!Albert
Rufus: White folks only want to hear the good shit: life eternal, a place in God's Heaven. But as soon as they hear they're getting this good shit from a black Jesus, they freak. And that, my friends, is called hypocrisy. A black man can steal your stereo, but he can't be your Savior.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Mr. Gambini, didn't I tell you that the next time you appear in my court that you dress appropriately?
Vinny Gambini: You were serious about that?
Raoul Duke: Yeah. Hi there! My name... is, uh, Raoul Duke. I'm on the list, that's for sure. Here to cover the race. I have my attorney... with me, and I realize that his name is not on that list, but we must have that suite! What's the score here? What's next?
Frog-Eyed Woman: Your suite isn't ready yet. But someone was looking for you...
Don't eat the corn dogs.Bobby
I'll see you at the opera tonight. I'll hold your seat till you get there. After you get there you're on your own.Rufus T. Firefly
I think he has a hot dog... with a bun!Milly
It's not about doing the things you love, it's about doing things with the one you love!Gary
Relax. Take it easy. Tension is the worst thing for a complexion.Velma Von Tussle
O.K., we'll stop, get pancakes and then we'll get laid, alright?Carl Showalter
Rosemary Cross: That's none of your business.
Max Fischer: I know it's not, but I just got hit my a car and I'm feeling a little confused.