Bantam: America's greatest president.
Rand: It's me, Rand. Open up.
Bantam: America's greatest president.
Rand: Damn it. "Who is Ronald Reagan?"
Bantam: A casual shoe for yachting.
Rand: What are you trying to figure out, B.D.? Who could I be? "What is a blucher?"
Bantam: They killed Jesus Christ.
Rand: "Who are the Jews?" Open up, sucko.

It's a glow-in-the-dark compass ring. So you don't get lost.


DEA Agent Parker: Do. You. Speak American?
Armando Alvarez: No sir. I don't speak American.

Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries.

Wayne Campbell

Jack Ryan: You gotta admit, this is a great boat, even if it is called the Allison.
Nancy Hayes: Wait til you see the one they name after me.

Aaron: Let me get this straight: our dad was "bromantically" involved with a guy that could fit in his pocket, and you're mad because he's white?

Becca Crane: So are we going to be uh, at the same school?
Jacob: I go to school at the reservation.
Becca Crane: Oh, it must be fun to gamble and drink all day.

[to Denise Fleming] I did not write 'Denise Fleming is a tampon' on your locker!

Kenny Fisher

Because if I tell you [my name], you tell your friends... your friends are calling me on the horn all the time, And I gotta show up at shopping centers for openings and sign autographs and shit like that and it makes my life a hell. Okay? A living hell.


Austin Powers: What exactly do you do, Mr. Number Two?
Number Two: That's my business. Now if you'll excuse, I have to go to the little boys' room.

Bert Fischer: You're like one of those clipper ship captains. You're married to the sea.
Max Fischer: Yes, that's true.

Rufus: White folks only want to hear the good shit: life eternal, a place in God's Heaven. But as soon as they hear they're getting this good shit from a black Jesus, they freak. And that, my friends, is called hypocrisy. A black man can steal your stereo, but he can't be your Savior.

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