Favorite Comedy Quotes
[imitating Becca] Oh Evan, thank you for bringing that lube for my pussy. I never would've been able to handle your four inch dick inside my pussy without that gigantic bottle of lube.Seth
Juno MacGuff: I think I'm, like, in love with you.
Paulie Bleeker: You mean as friends?
Juno MacGuff: No, I mean, like, for real. 'Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met, and you don't even have to try, you know...
Paulie Bleeker: I try really hard, actually.
[narrating] Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George's life definitely didn't make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.Cady
Deb: I'm trying to earn money for college.
Kip: Your mom goes to college.
Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.
Dr. Swanson: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Dr. Swanson: Wow, that's messed up.
Jack Sparrow: How did you get here?
Will Turner: Sea turtles, mate. A pair of them strapped to my feet.
Jack Sparrow: Not so easy, is it?
Olive: Grandpa, am I pretty?
Grandpa: You are the most beautiful girl in the world.
Olive: You're just saying that.
Grandpa: No! I'm madly in love with you and it's not because of your brains or your personality.
Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew Largeman: You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.
BrÃ¼no: Look at the four of us; we are so like the Sex In The City girls!
Donny: Oh, no we aren't either!
BrÃ¼no: Which one are you, Donny?
Donny: I ain't either one them! I'm Donny!
BrÃ¼no: That is such a Samantha thing to say!
Dr. Peter Venkman: What I'd really like to do is talk to Dana. Dana? It's Peter.
Dana Barrett: There is no Dana, there is only Zhul.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Oh, Zhulie, you nut, now c'mon. Just relax, c'mon. Dana, Dana. Can I talk to Dana?
Dana Barrett: [in demon voice] There is no Dana, only Zhul.
Dr. Peter Venkman: What a lovely singing voice you must have.
Now where is that monkey? I want to shoot something!Jack Sparrow
We're Americans, we don't plan, we do!General George Armstrong Custer