Favorite Comedy Quotes
Dale Denton: Yeah but if you do bad stuff you're going to come back as something bad like a slug or an anal bead. But if you do something heroic then you'll come back as like an eagle or a dragon, or Jude Law. Now which would you rather be?
Red: The anal bead wouldn't be bad. I mean I guess it would depend on whose anal bead it was.
Dale Denton: It's *my* anal bead.
Alotta Fagina: Some sake, Mr. Cunningham?
Austin Powers: Sake it to me baby!
Red: Man, just listen: I would just appreciate it if both y'all would just take your shoes off; I mean, this is brand new carpet, you're tracking mud in here - Matheson, you've got British Knights on. I ain't seen anybody wear them since 1987!
You don't deserve them, I mean you eat carbs, for Chrissake!Emily
Mr. McPhee: Oh, haha - look at me, the comedy night guard. Do you want to get into a battle of humor? Do you?
Larry: Um, no. No I don't want to get into a battle of humor.
Mr. McPhee: That's right, because it would be a bloodbath. Nothing funny about Little Big Horn, is there?
Thank you for taking care of my bride, peasants.Prince Edward
Peter: We have something the White Bitch doesn't.
Lucy: Perky breasts?
I just wanna junk-punch him in his man business.Tipper
[to Columbus] You're thinking about fucking Wichita. Well congratualations because for the past twenty-four hours, she's been fucking both of us.Tallahassee
Morton: Horton, the kangaroo has sent Vlad!
Horton: Vlad? Vlad, Vlad... I know two Vlads. There's the bad Vlad... And then there's bunny Vlad, the one that makes cookies!
Morton: ...Yeah, Horton, she's sending you a bunny with cookies. I think it's safe to say it's the bad Vlad.
Horton: Yeah, good call.
Donkey: Man, you are a cat-tastrophe.
Puss in Boots: And you, are ri-donk-ulous.
Oh my god... there's someone at the door. There's someone at the door!Dr. Gonzo