Favorite Comedy Quotes
[singing] He's got the Midas touch, but he touched it too much. Hey, Goldmember. Hey, Goldmember. He's got a golden pad, he's super bad. Hey, Goldmember. Hey, Goldmember.Foxxy Cleopatra
[to Debbie] Hello. Buenos Noches. You sure you don't need a lift somewhere? Huh? Hey, you know John Milner? John Milner's a good friend of mine. Hey, did anybody ever tell you that you look just like Connie Stevens?Terry Fields
It's a glow-in-the-dark compass ring. So you don't get lost.Josh
Tracy Lord: Oh Dexter you're not doing it just to soften the blow?
C. K. Dexter Haven: No.
Tracy Lord: Nor to save my face?
C. K. Dexter Haven: Oh, it's a nice little face.
Tracy Lord: Oh Dexter, I'll be yar now, I promise to be yar.
C. K. Dexter Haven: Be whatever you like, you're my redhead.
Billy Baldwin: [answers the phone] Baldwin residence. No, this is Billy Baldwin. If you want Daniel Baldwin call his extension, stupid!
[hangs up the phone]
Billy Baldwin: Hey Alec, you know what sucks about being a Baldwin?
Alec Baldwin: No, what?
Billy Baldwin: Nothing!
I'm speaking clear penguin!Mumble
Because if I tell you [my name], you tell your friends... your friends are calling me on the horn all the time, And I gotta show up at shopping centers for openings and sign autographs and shit like that and it makes my life a hell. Okay? A living hell.Beetlejuice
Suddenly a dark cloud settled over first period... I got a C in debate?Cher
Bethany: McHenry is pretty far from Jersey, might I ask what brings you guys to Illinois?
Jay: Some fuck named John Hughes.
Bethany: "16 Candles" John Hughes?
Jay: You know him too? That fucking guy.
Tickets? Since when did they start charging for the bus? Didn't we used to ride that shit to school every morning for free?Jay
Party Guest: I finally had an orgasm, and my doctor said it was the wrong kind.
Isaac Davis: You had the wrong kind? I've never had the wrong kind, ever. My worst one was right on the money.
Peter Highman: If I miss the birth of my own child, I'm gonna choke you out with your own scarf. Wrap that thing 'round your head, and choke you out.
Ethan Tremblay: Sounds a bit... drastic.