I don't mean to brag... but I'm the greatest!

Sidney Deane

You're not funny. You look funny, but you're not funny.


Colonel Brandon: She is wholly unspoilt.
Elinor Dashwood: Rather too unspoilt, in my view. The sooner she becomes acquainted with the ways of the world, the better.
Colonel Brandon: I knew a lady very like your sister - the same impulsive sweetness of temper - who was forced into, as you put it, a better acquaintance with the world. The result was only ruination and despair. Do not desire it, Miss Dashwood.

Wow, I guess you can light a fart on fire, huh?


Adam Flayman: Are you going to his funeral?
Barry B. Benson: No way. Everyone knows you sting someone, you die. You don't waste it on a squirrel. He was such a hothead.

Sally Albright: At least I got the apartment.
Harry Burns: That's what everyone says. But, really, what's so hard about finding an apartment? What you do is look in the obituary section. You see who died, find out where they lived, and tip the doorman. What they could do to make it easier is combine the two. You know, Mr. Kline died yesterday, leaving behind a wife, two children, and a spacious three bedroom apartment with a wood burning fireplace.

Mike. Go downstairs and have a Coke and smile.

Marcus Burnett

There's nothing as pathetic as an aging hipster.

Dr. Evil

Timing is everything in life.


Teen #1: You holding?
Jay: Shit, everything except coke, heroin, and your cock!



Kids don't like it when their parents get divorced.

Herman Blume

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