Favorite Comedy Quotes
There's a mirror right there. Take a look, you're white.Denise
Metropolitan Police Inspector: [darkly] You don't want me to get the Chief Inspector down here do you?
Nicholas Angel: Yes, I would actually.
Metropolitan Police Inspector: Very well.
[to a man by the door]
Metropolitan Police Inspector: Kenneth?
Danny Butterman: What do you think?
Nicholas Angel: Well, I wouldn't argue that it wasn't a no holds barred, adrenaline fueled thrill ride. But, there is no way you can perpetrate that amount of carnage and mayhem and not incur a considerable amount of paperwork.
Danny Butterman: That is nothing man, this is about to go off!
Looks like someone's auditioning for "Soul Train."Denise
Bring the noise!Danny Butterman
Nathaniel Banks: "I was in bed. I didn't fire any gun. I swear."
Officer Palumbo: "Hey, Jackson's trying to escape!"
Tarik: "What are you talking about? I'm just sitting here."
Officer Martone: "He's trying to break free! Get him!"
Kumar: [about Doogie Howser, M.D] So, I gotta ask you Neil, did you ever get it on with Wanda off the set?
Neil Patrick Harris: Dude, I humped every piece of ass ever on that show.
Kumar: Even the chick who played the hot nurse?
Neil Patrick Harris: No... I didn't go all the way with her.
Kenny Fisher: Do you, uh... what a drink?
Stoned Girl: Okay.
Kenny Fisher: Uh... how 'bout I poison it?
Stoned Girl: Okay.
Thank God you found her! She just took three thingies of herbal ecstasy and wondered off! She's so out of it, anything could have happened and she probably wouldn't even know it! God, I was so worried somebody was... well you know, taking advantage of her or something. Here, help me get her on her feet.Stoned Girl's Friend
William: I downloaded this little baby off the Net. I will know exactly how many spirits I may imbibe without affecting my judgment or my behavior.
X-Phile 2: You have every angle covered.
X-Phile 1: You know William, from this light, you somewhat resemble David Duchovny.
Kumar: So where you going to go now, Neil?
Neil Patrick Harris: [puts on sunglasses] Wherever God takes me!
Olive: Do you eat ice cream?
Miss California: Yes. My favorite is Cherry Chocolate Garcia... except technically I think it's a frozen yogurt.