Schmidt: We'll go around to classes and activities, ask about the drug, find out who the dealer is.
Jenko: Do we look older or does everyone in college look like babies?

Look Shaun, I'm sorry you didn't get into Stanford. But if you think that going here is the only way that you can be the person you want to be, well then I just feel sorry for you.


Margaret Lord: We both might face the facts that neither of us has proved to be a very great success as a wife.
Tracy Lord: We just picked the wrong first husband.

Lt. Dixon Piper: "Now remember MacGruber. You gotta keep him on long enough to get a location."
MacGruber: "Don't worry, I've done this before. Now, listen to me you piece of... He hung up. Did you get it?"
Vicki St. Elmo: "No."
MacGruber: "Damn it! Is that thing working?!"

Cal: [to Andy about telling Trish he's a virgin] Yeah, you should definitely tell her, because I saw this movie called "Liar Liar" and the message was, "*Don't* lie."
Cal: And that was a smart movie.

You have smoked yourself retarded.

Thurgood Jenkins

Ritchie: Will you stop it? You're being the mayor of Pussytown!
Jack Wyatt: I don't want to be the mayor of Pussytown!
Ritchie: I want you to get out there and be the sheriff of Ballsville!

Run for it? Running's not a plan! Running's what you do once a plan fails!

Earl Bassett

[Being chased by giant donuts] Hey, I had a weird dream like this once!

Joe Towne

Sometimes I got so bored of trying to touch her breast that I would try to touch her between her legs. It was like trying to borrow a dollar, getting turned down, and asking for 50 grand instead.


Jane: Do you like my new dress?
Fletcher: What ever takes the focus off your head!

H.I.: What are you talkin' about, Glen?
Glen: What am I talkin' about? I'm talkin' about sex, boy, what the hell you talkin' about? I'm talkin' about l'amour! I'm talkin' that me and Dot are swingers, as in "to swing." I'm talkin' about wife swappin'. I'm talkin' about what they call nowadays open marriage. I'm talk...
H.I.: [Knocks Glen out] Keep your damn hands off my wife!

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