Favorite Comedy Quotes
I don't do drugs, though. Just weed.Thurgood Jenkins
Thurgood Jenkins: You know I got some weed at work today, if y'all wanna try it out.
Scarface: Nah, we don't feel like smokin' right now.
Thurgood Jenkins: Me neither. So y'all wanna smoke?
Scarface: I'll get Billy Bong Thornton!
Brian: No man. No Billy Bong Thornton without Kenny. That wouldn't be right. Get Wesley Pipes. Yeah!
You are all just a bunch of ass-ramming uncle fuckers!Kyle
Stan: Listen Mr. homeless man, if you don't wanna buy us the tickets and not get your ten bucks and not buy yourself a bottle of vodka, then be my guest.
Homeless man: Six tickets please!
Kyle: Dude, that movie was fucking sweet!
Cartman: You bet your fuckin' ass it was!
Stan: Fuck, dude, I wanna be just like Terrence and Phillip!
So she's kinda fucking cute. Let her touch your penis.Kumar
Cartman: Kyle, all those times I called you a stupid Jew, I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew.
Kyle: Yes I am, Cartman! I *am* a Jew!
Cartman: No, no, don't be so hard on yourself.
Remember what the MPAA says; Horrific, Deplorable violence is okay, as long as people don't say any naughty woids! That's what this war is all about!Sheila Broflovski
Goldstein: Sorry, kids. We ain't goin' nowhere. We're watching 'The Gift'. Supposedly Katie Holmes shows her titties in this movie.
Harold: Is that all you Jews ever think about? Tits?
Rosenberg: Katie Holmes is a nice, respectable, wholesome girl... and I'm gonna see her boobs.
Goldstein: The things I would eat out of her ass! You have no idea!
Rosenberg: Ugh! That is a completely vulgar statement.
Goldstein: So is, "I wanna bang Britney Spears on the bathroom floor," but it's true.
Thank you Clitoris!Stan
I can't wait to take leave so I can get me some fucking poontang.Mr. Garrison
Harold: [riding a cheetah] Dude, am I really high, or is this actually working?