Favorite Comedy Quotes
I think I have a plan. Why don't we throw a bomb the way we want to go and then when it goes off, we run like goddamn bastards! [silence] Pardon my French.Rhonda LeBeck
H.I.: What are you talkin' about, Glen?
Glen: What am I talkin' about? I'm talkin' about sex, boy, what the hell you talkin' about? I'm talkin' about l'amour! I'm talkin' that me and Dot are swingers, as in "to swing." I'm talkin' about wife swappin'. I'm talkin' about what they call nowadays open marriage. I'm talk...
H.I.: [Knocks Glen out] Keep your damn hands off my wife!
Kevin: Separately we are flawed and vulnerable, but together we are the masters of our sexual destiny.
Jim: Their tiger-style kung fu is strong, but our dragon-style kung fu will defeat it!
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: The Shaolin masters of East and West must unite! Fight! And find out who is number one!
Kevin: GUYS! I'm serious!
Pitka: I am his holyness, the Guru Pitka. My goal is to say: Gee, You are You... TM.
Lou: You alright there, Margie?
Marge Gunderson: Oh, I just think I'm gonna barf... Well, that passed. Now I'm hungry again.
Roy: I'm guessing by your hasty retreat, that you're still 20th in line for the throne.
Lord Rathbone: [irritated] 10th!
Listen, I know what I like, and I know you know what I like, because you were trained to know what I like, but I would like to know, what do you like?Prince Akeem
I don't mean to brag... but I'm the greatest!Sidney Deane
[as she enters the hospital, about to go into labor] It feels like I'm shitting a knife!Angie Ostrowiski
Adam Flayman: Are you going to his funeral?
Barry B. Benson: No way. Everyone knows you sting someone, you die. You don't waste it on a squirrel. He was such a hothead.
Corn beef should not be blueIsaac Davis
Banky Edwards: No what would you say? Would you trash 20 years of fucking friendship because you got some idiotic notion that this chick will let you sniff her panties, let alone fuck her?
Holden: Look you fucking asshole, I'm telling you let it go, okay!?
Banky Edwards: What the fuck man, what the fuck makes this bitch all that important.
Holden: Because I'm fucking in love with her man. Okay!?