Favorite Comedy Quotes
Nathaniel likes the way I leap?Prince Edward
Wanda: I want you to know something Otto.
Wanda: Even if you were my brother I'd still want to fuck you.
Jack: Are you still seeing that shrink?
Miles Raymond: I saw him on Monday. I spent most of the time helping him with his computer.
Jack: Well, I say, fuck therapy. And what is that stuff you take... Xanax?
Miles Raymond: And Lexapro, yes.
Jack: Well, I say, fuck that too. You need to get your joint worked on, Miles.
Agent 23: If you don't follow the rules here then what are we?
The Chief: I'm telling you what we're not, we're not people who jam staples into other people's heads, that's CIA crap!
What was that? Did you just pick up another case? Did we just take another damn case on my vacation?James Carter
I , Jackie Moon, will wrestle a bear.Jackie Moon
Stacy Hamilton: When a guy has an orgasm, how much comes out?
Linda Barrett: A quart or so.
Mrs. Connelly: I couldn't help noticing that Alex left the house this morning while you stayed home.
Nancy Kendricks: I was downsized from my job.
Mrs. Connelly: Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm sure it's for the best. Let Mr. Rose get out there and bring home the bacon. I always thought it was strange your husband staying home while you were out there providing.
Nancy Kendricks: Well, he's a writer.
Mrs. Connelly: Writer? The man naps more than a newborn pup. What's he writing about? Sheep?
Is your act just designed to make sure no girl will ever sleep with you?George Simmons
Oh, that's not obvious enough Rob. How about the Beatles? Or fucking... fucking Beethoven? Side one, Track one of the Fifth Symphony... How can someone with no interest in music own a record store?Barry
We have a very important school report on turquoise jewelry due in two days, and we can't find any books on it, and the President's having us followed. It's too much pressure.Arlene Lorenzo
Buddy: Do you remember me?
Deb: I do! I didn't recognize you!
Buddy: I know I'm in work clothes!