Favorite Comedy Quotes
People just don't understand what is involved in this. This an art form! You know, I think that most people just think that I hold a camera and point at stuff, but there is a HECK of a lot more to it than just that.Larry
Rita: [as Phil kisses Rita repeatedly, discovering that he got past Groundhog Day at long last] Phil, why weren't you like this last night? You just fell asleep.
Phil: It was the end of a VERY long day.
Stan: Listen Mr. homeless man, if you don't wanna buy us the tickets and not get your ten bucks and not buy yourself a bottle of vodka, then be my guest.
Homeless man: Six tickets please!
Phil Connors: Excuse me, where is everyone going?
Fan on Street: To Gobbler's Knob. It's Groundhog Day.
Phil Connors: It's still just once a year, right?
I'm betting he's going to swerve first.Phil
Phil: I am not making it up. I am asking you for help.
Rita: Okay, what do you want me to do?
Phil: I don't know. You're a producer. Come up with something.
Kyle: Dude, that movie was fucking sweet!
Cartman: You bet your fuckin' ass it was!
Stan: Fuck, dude, I wanna be just like Terrence and Phillip!
Rita: Are you drunk or something?
Phil: Drunk is more fun.
So she's kinda fucking cute. Let her touch your penis.Kumar
Cartman: Kyle, all those times I called you a stupid Jew, I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew.
Kyle: Yes I am, Cartman! I *am* a Jew!
Cartman: No, no, don't be so hard on yourself.
Remember what the MPAA says; Horrific, Deplorable violence is okay, as long as people don't say any naughty woids! That's what this war is all about!Sheila Broflovski
Goldstein: Sorry, kids. We ain't goin' nowhere. We're watching 'The Gift'. Supposedly Katie Holmes shows her titties in this movie.
Harold: Is that all you Jews ever think about? Tits?
Rosenberg: Katie Holmes is a nice, respectable, wholesome girl... and I'm gonna see her boobs.
Goldstein: The things I would eat out of her ass! You have no idea!
Rosenberg: Ugh! That is a completely vulgar statement.
Goldstein: So is, "I wanna bang Britney Spears on the bathroom floor," but it's true.