Favorite Comedy Quotes
Harry: Yeah, well, I don't know. These places just don't do it for me.
Lloyd: What's the matter, Har? Some little filly break your heart?
Harry: No, it was a girl.
Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.Alvy Singer
[Monkey slaps Larry on the head, Larry retaliates] Lawrence, who's evolved?Teddy Roosevelt
[to Alyssa] Since you like chicks, right, do you just look at yourself naked in the mirror all the time?Banky Edwards
People always live forever when there is an annuity to be paid them.Fanny
Denise: Besides, I heard that song was about his dog.
Preston: It's not about a dog. It's about a woman named Amanda. Who the hell names their dog Amanda?
Denise: My cousin had a dog name Samantha.
Preston: Shut up about the dog, okay?
My dad's a gynecologist. He looks at vaginas all day long.Joseph
Veronica Sawyer: That knife is filthy.
J.D.: What do you think I'm going to do with it, take out her tonsils?
Veronica Sawyer: Excuse me, I think I know Heather a little bit better than you do. If she were going to slit her wrists, the knife would be spotless.
Holy crap on a shit sandwich!Drillbit Taylor
Um... a malt Glen Garry for me and my friend here. And if you tell that bartender to go extra easy on the water, this 50 cent piece has your name on it.Trent
Damn it, Bones, you're a doctor. You know that pain and guilt can't be taken away with a wave of a magic wand. They're the things we carry with us, the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves. I don't want my pain taken away! I need my pain!Kirk
That was kinda sweet. I'm kinda crushin' on you right now, Trinke.Maya